Midlife Musings

I actually slept last night! It’s just amazing the difference that makes in my outlook. I also assigned chores last night for today. DD#1 was to vacuum, DD#2was to tidy the bookshelf, DD#3 was on kitchen,and the boys were to wipe down the kitchen cabinet fronts. That’s all been accomplished, and it looks much better around here. My job is to get this desk cleaned again. Seems like I need to do that almost every day, LOL!
That concept worked so well that I think I’ll keep it.

I’m now eating breakfast. Which is a half hour earlier than yesterday, so that’s good, right?

Today I learned about mortgage fraud. It had not occurred to me that such a thing existed. When we got our mortgage, it was through the local bank, and my mom goes to church with the branch pres. Apparently though, there are unscrupulous folks who will mine and sell your personal data when you are trying to get a home loan. The financial forums at PHLM have some information on how to avoid such scams. It’s important to have enough information to fully understand the ins and outs of borrowing intelligently. The mortgage directory and industry information are a good place to start your research, and personal information you enter on the site is protected through SecureTrust which guarantees compliance with FTC, DoNotCall & Can Spam regulations.

Don’t stop with this, though. The forums and are young and not extensive, and you’ll need more info to make a good decision. I’m surprised to find a user named “Fannie Mae” in a mortgage forum, and I can’t view the profiles without registering. As with anything else you read, take the good, spit out the bad, and use lots of salt. And read your contracts. Don’t sign anything you don’t understand. Mortgage companies are going to make good money off of you, and they can certainly take time to explain in terms you can understand the terms of the contract. If they can’t or won’t, go elsewhere.

Also investigate using a “buyer’s agent” for a realtor. Long ago and far away, all realtor’s represented the seller, but my understanding is that this has changed, and you can now find one to represent the buyer. Realtors learn more about the ins and outs of local mortgages than you can afford not to know. They know where to find the good deals, and they also know which companies to avoid. Take advantage of that expertise.

Had a chat with my mom today, in which I tried to explain how I feel when she finds fault with me or the children. I don’t think I was able to explain it quite right. I am so tired that I am having a hard time making sense to myself, let alone anyone else. I must sleep, and for more than 5 hours, and soon. Tonight would be really good, but….who knows. I probably need to squeeze in a second meal for today. My breakfast was after 3, so who knows on that score, either. This is turning into a regular little pity party, isn’t it? Sorry. I’m normally a pretty cheerful person.

I’m gonna have to start taking more thought about some issues. Obviously I cannot continue to stay up so late. I know my kids are not getting what they need from me, and I am falling asleep sitting up. The time alone I need is not happening, and when that occurs my mental wires start short-circuitung. I can continue like this for a few days, but it does take a toll, and I do have to step back and regather myself. The sooner I can do this the better. I’m not seeing that happening with in the next few days though, and that’s bothersome. Right now, it’s looking like it could be as long as the second weekend in November before I see any kind of respite, and I don’t think I can hold out that long.

Of course, the truth is that we do what we have to do. The question is, how effectively can we do it in any given set of circumstances?

I do love the smell of leather, and forgot to mention it in my post the other day on smells I love. Kiki James is a London Based luxury gift site that ships world-wide, and they have some some stunning items. I am a journal person. I have lots of blank books here, some now filled, some in progress. As much as I love blogging, I sometimes want to feel the pen on the paper, ykwim? This leather journal is gorgeous, isn’t it? I’d feel like royalty writing in something like that, for sure. Words just seem to have more importance when they are written in something that fine.

Standing here amid the wreckage
of my mind
I see the invisible blood
moving across the floor
in ripples like spilled paint
that you can scrub up
but never quite clean.

My mind is sorer
than my body and
that is saying alot
but it is my heart that is
beyond repair.

Today is full of normal
activities, but it is last night’s
soundtrack that fills the ears
of my soul.

Here’s a video confessional from Hot Tamale. You can get the inside scoop from Veronique, as she talks about what’s going on behind the scenes at PPP, and the effects it has on her personal life. It takes alot of work to make sure all of us can get paid to blog, and she’s really feeling the strain.

I hope she feels better about all this soon. Ted, give the girl a little Vay-Kay. After all our demands are met, of course. And the hardware is upgraded. And you have hired four more reviewers, and developed the ability to clone Veronique. I really am not sure ya’ll could do without her, and she wants that trip to Europe!

I’m talking about my adsense ads. It’s funny to watch them changing as the lead post changes. Last night, before I made the PPP post, they all featured “cass” in someway. Now, they are about “fun” for the most part. It amuses me, what can I say? I am easily amused. Especially when I am this tired.

Do you know what would feel really good just now? Sun. I can just see myself on some property in Spain, sitting outside in one of those lounge chairs, wearing a big hat and sunglasses, relaxing in the sun, reading or knitting. Maybe even taking a snooze. Sounds heavenly, doesn’t it? Especially as bad as my back hurts just now. Since I don’t foresee buying a property in Spain this week, and the weather has been grey here, with rain forecast for tomorrow, I suppose I’ll just meander off to bed. I’ll snooze there (I hope), and just dream of the sun. And Spain. Can I add a little waiter to bring me cool drinks?