When I went to see Grandmother on Saturday, she acted like I wasn’t even there. She was mad because it had been so long since I was there. 🙁 She just looked right through me, until it was time to leave, when she told me not to “let my mother run over the entire family.” Yeah, whatever. I had planned to blog about it, and then my uncle emailed me this:
On an absolutely other note, Nellie told me Mother hurt your feelings last Saturday. I can’t begin to know what is (or is not) going on inside her head, but she is 95 years old. Please give her some slack. She loves you unconditionally and would never purposefully hurt you.
So, since I had to write him back, I decided to just share here what I said.
As for Grandmother, she knew exactly what she was doing. She’s mad because I have not been able to go like I was going. You know I go with Mama, and she tries to go before dark. I can’t leave until Patrick gets home, and with the time change, that’s usually after dark. Additionally, four of the children are in scouts now, so that takes up some evenings.
I regret that I’m not able to go as much as I was, and I know she is disappointed. I know that she loves me unconditionally, or she wouldn’t get mad when I don’t go. I love her unconditionally as well, or it wouldn’t hurt that she treated me that way.
I’m not holding any grudges over it, and I’ll continue to go as often as possible. Mama called me Friday night to let me know she was going and could I go, and I jumped on the chance. I worked until 6:30AM, and took a 2 hour nap, then got back up at 8:30 to get ready to go.
That’s not the first time I’ve put myself “out” to go see Grandmother, and I pray it’s not the last time I get the chance to “inconvenience” myself for her. I’ve put off doing things that I *needed* to do for my family many times to go see her. The fact is, I’m not the one stuck in that place, and I will do whatever I can to make her know I love her.
Pah, I’m rambling. Yeah, she hurt my feelings. Yeah, she tried to make me feel guilty. I’m a big girl, I’ll get over the hurt feelings. As for the guilt, I’m not owning that, because in this one thing in my life, I am guiltless.