Midlife Musings

I went to see Grandmother today. She did not know me. I knew this would happen eventually, but it was still disconcerting. I have to look at it like this: She cared for me, both physically and emotionally, long before I knew her as her. And I can do the same for her.

I wrote some words yesterday, and I suppose I’ll share them here with you now, lest you think I am placid, and accepting and calm.

Ya’ll please forgive me. I need an audience, and this is just too raw to put on my blogs. Maybe I’ll put it out there tomorrow, but for now, I have to talk to my “therapist” (that’s ya’ll). You may have read where I posted that my Grandmother has this Organic Brain Syndrome thing. It means her brain is atrophy-ing.

I am so hurt, and I am so angry. This will take my Grandmother from me millimeter by freaking millimeter until all that is left is the body my real Grandmother used to live in. This is not fair. This stinking sucks. And I hate, hate, hate. this. thing.

I just want to throw something. But I don’t know if that’s the small-child-having-a-tantrum kind of throw, or the baseball-lobbed-into-heaven-to-get-God’s-attention kind of throw.

Can I just say this has been one of the two worst months of my life? Only one time before in my life have I felt so used up, washed up, wanna hang it up defeated.

I did more research last night. Some sites say that Organic Brain Syndrome is an alternate name for Alzheimer’s. Talking to Mama about it today, we decided that it really doesn’t matter what we call it, the effect is the same. The name means nothing, and the effects mean everything. My Grandmother does not know me.

Technorati Tags: Organic Brain Syndrome, Alzheimer’s, Grandmother

Internet businesses seem to be hatching at about a bazillion a minute. I have one myself, though I have been far to busy to invest much time in it lately, and neither my partner nor I are very eager to see it swell to the place it once was when it consumed both our lives. But most people with an online business would like to see a little more activity than we’ve been having lately. San Diego Internet marketing is a company that can help you develop your business on your terms. Don’t let the name fool you, they can help you in Podunk as well as in San Diego. From web design to seo, they are ready.

I made up this song, and someone, namely Skeet wanted audio. As always, I aim to please. I haven’t even heard this. I did not practice. I just handed the cam to DD#1 and said “tape this”.

The questions came in late on my feed, so here we are

1. What events shaped your life in 2006?
Giving birth for the 8th time in February, and my Grandmother going into the nursing home along with her subsequent failing health

2. How about you proudest/biggest achievement of the year?
Wow, I don’t know. This year has just kinda been one I’ve tried to get through. Life’s circumstances have been such that I’ve not achieved much. The past 6 months especially, I’ve considered just getting through the day to be a major feat.

3. Did you keep any of your new year’s resolutions?
I don’t make resolutions. I make goals instead. I’ve kept up with some of them (such as visiting Grandmother regularly) and not with others (like spending more time with my children).

4. What is your fondest memory of 2006?
It would have to be my Christmas present from my daughter. A box with 2 paper snowflakes, a crocheted chain with 8 stitches and 8 beads, 8 pennies and a note that read “one from each of us, far less than you are worth.” I tucked it, box and all, into my sock drawer.

5. What are you looking forward to most in the new year?
Reconnecting with my kids. If I do nothing else, (aside from Grandmotherish things) that will be enough. I miss them, you see.

Technorati Tags: Five on Friday

Orlando just looks better and better: 52 theme parks? Hello? I bet the Orlando Florida hotels are in stiff competition for business! This can only mean great rates for travelers. The last time I was in Orlando, I stayed with my cousin. DH had just had his shunt replaced and could not fly for a couple of days. We were in Tampa in a hotel, and my cousin invited us to come see his family. Dh was obviously not up to Disney, but we had a good time at Universal Studios.

Now, ordinarily there would be a meme here as I told you I was going to start doing. However, the organizer did not post questions for this week. So, umm, there aren’t any to answer, and I am choosing to look ahead instead of behind, so I am not going to use last weeks.

Hey, what about this: I just realized I forgot to tell you that I made a goals page for 2007. As with all my goals, it’s a work in progress, but you can find it at the top of this page. You will note that I have called them goals and not resolutions. I got tired of setting myself up several years ago, and changed my methods to suit my personal madness.

If you didn’t listen to all my warnings about noses, and how they mostly function as God intended, and also as a way to identify long lost relatives, then you may find yourself regretting your decision. Well, plastic surgeons can not only “fix” your nose, they can also fix the fix. Yep, it’s possible to repair bad nose surgery. As Paul Harvey says, “Now you know the rest of the story.”

Suni tagged me to list 5 charities I think are worthy of support.

Heifer International
Dulaan Project
St Jude’s
Doctors without Borders
Your local church

I’m not tagging anyone specifically, but if you have a favorite charity or five, tell us what they are.