So, I called the IRS about my refund, as I do every year. We have to file some additional papers with our returns, and it always causes a delay in getting our refund. In previous years, it has only gotten dealt with when I have called, and called, and called. This year the amount is more than $4,000. Needless to say, I am quite interested in getting that amount of money, so I asked the woman if there were any way to expedite the matter. She informed me that I could call the advocate’s office and if they agreed there was hardship, they could expedite it. So, I said to the woman in my most reasonable tone, “if you were in a tax bracket such that the federal government owed you close to five thousand dollars, wouldn’t you consider that a hardship?” And the stupid woman said “I wish I was.”

No, ma’am, you do not. Because when the IRS owes you that much money, it means you are barely scraping by. It means that household repairs have to wait until it comes. It means that bills that run chronically behind get caught up once a year, and begin to slip again after the refund is gone. When the federal government owes you that much money, it means you are paddling way too hard just to stay afloat. No, you really don’t want to be in my tax bracket. And I sincerely hope that was one of the calls the IRS chose to record. Better telecom consulting for better taxpayer service. Or something.

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