So, I posted about the shoes, I posted about THE SHOES, and now let me talk about the rest of it. Since, I’m going to stay home instead of spending the day learning to cook in FL, it seems like a fine thing to do. You guys have read about some attitude changes that I have been experiencing. Well, no you haven’t. You’ve read about the make-up purchases and such as this, but I’ve been loathe to talk about what’s been going on in my head. I think maybe it’s time to do so, in a semi-serious manner. For many, many years, more years than I really care to admit, but we’ll say more than a decade, I have let myself go. Umm, no, let me put that a different way: I’ve not taken care of myself. I’ve pushed my needs consistently to the back burner.
For a while, it was because we lacked finances to get what everyone needed, and the kids came first. DH came next, because he worked outside the home. Since I stayed home, I didn’t really “need” stuff. After all, I had clothes and they “would do”. I had make-up, and it “would do”. And I could make them both last by not wearing make-up unless I was going out, and by wearing whatever I could find at home, saving my real clothes for going out, too. It was a system, and it worked, however poorly. Then I lost quite a bit of weight, as I detailed more or less while it was happening, and my clothes started looking pretty bad on me, to the point that even my mom commented on it, bought me a few things, and suggested I might need to go do a bit of shopping. I felt like exactly what I had become: a frumpy, anything will do, I’m not special person.
Now, I had purchased a few pieces earlier this summer, some stylish new tees, and some pants, because my old ones were falling off. When I would wear those clothes, I felt different. I felt worthy. I felt like I mattered. Not so much to other people, but that I finally mattered to myself. And then Alli made a post on her blog, and I realized what had been happening with me, and that my not paying attention to myself was both a cause and a symptom of my depression. The two sides of the thing were feeding each other, and I was in the middle.
I realized some other things, too. I’ll be forty this year. (No, silly that’s not what I realized, it’s just a lead in, and explanation if you will.) My life is half over. If I am ever going to do things for myself, I need to do them NOW, while I can enjoy them. If I am ever going to read again, now is the time. If I am going to have fun, I need to do it NOW, lest I even forget how. If it’s ever going to be about me at all, it’s time. I can still be a mom and still be a wife, and take some time and resources for me.
And what I found out was pretty amazing. When I put my makeup on, I feel better about myself. When I dress in clothes that fit and look good, I feel ready to take on the day. When I look good, I feel good, and when I feel good, I am a better wife, I am a better mother, I am a better me. I am myself again, not just an appendage. So that’s the story behind what may seem like some pretty frivolous and extreme purchases. Ten year old shoes, make-up and clothes need to go, because we can afford to replace them now. There was a time for sacrifice, and I did. But I don’t have to do so right now, and because I finally realize I’m worth it, I’m not going to. Because when it’s all about me, it’s all about everyone else I come into contact with, too.
I’m confident, I’m capable, and I’m creative. I’m Cass, and it’s a real pleasure to meet you.
Technorati Tags: attitude, depression
That is awesome Cass! And when you said that your mom bought you some stuff, I giggled, because my mom bought me stuff too! It was in an effort to “help” me around my birthday. What I really needed was a therapist (which I got as well).
I look forward to meeting you in Vegas!
Amen, sister! I am right there in your footsteps. Everything I have heard about turning 40 is true! I think it will be the best time of our lives.
I’ll be glad to meet you, too! And I promise to wear reasonably fashionable clothes. And also makeup.
I know! I was trying to explain it to DH. It’s not a midlife crisis, it’s a midlife awakening. I;m waking up excited each day now.
great post 🙂 I’m however not at the awakening part.. still in crisis mode as this next birthday marks my first annual 39th birthday. Maybe after the first annual, I’ll feel diferently. Adding to this misery, last night I splurged on some new day and night face creams, you know the ones marketed to women my age.. bleh!
But anyway.. great post. I hope to meet you somewhere in awakening land someday 🙂
I’m thinking of the name of another of your blogs, as you emerge from your caccoon. I’m looking forward to seeing what new revelations you have to share with us, wise woman. You are worthy, just by virtue of being you. {{{{Cass}}}}
I recently posted about something similar to what you’ve related in this post. Since you’re in scavanger hunt mode I’ll only tell you that it’s on my blog and you can go hunt for it if you’re interested. I loved your hunt, by the way. Gave me an idea for something I could do on my blog, a still-percolating idea, but perhaps to appear soon. If so I will link you up as my inspiration.
Yes yes yes! I have been putting myself last for eight years, ever since I became a SAHM. This year, when I started making my own money again, I decided that it was OKAY for me to spend money on me! I still shop rock-bottom sales, but I buy NEW things, not just stuff from Goodwill (not that Goodwill doesn’t have nice things sometimes), and I wear makeup, and I get dressed nicely in the morning, and I feel so much better! I was starting to hate going to the grocery store and realizing I looked like crap!
Cass, I gave you an AWARD. Stop by Table for Five to see what it is!
ROCK ON CASS!! I am so proud of you for doing things for yourself! You know you are worth it and remember how good it feels to take care of #1! It’s so true when they say that a happy mommy makes for happy kids and a happy wife makes for a happy hubby! Kudos to you for treating yourself. 🙂
Greetings from Manila, Philippines
This is a nice entry! I think every woman should spend a little self pampering at times. I’m in my late 40’s already but have been a a little (arrggghh)vain since I was younger and it did a lot to boost my self confidence.
Btw, I got here thru the tag “a love link” and I’ve been browsing blogs that are worth reading till I stumbled at this site. I’m a Christian (Baptist) by faith though I may say that I’m not devout kind coz I have bad unchristian habits at times (just human you know)although I make it a point to attend Sunday worships. But 1 thing I can brag about (hahaha) is I’m a loyal tithe giver giving back what is due to the Lord and I’m happy to say that I’m quite blessed, I’m so thankful.I’ve been married for almost 27 years to the same guy but sad to say a Catholic meaning I’m having still a hard time bringing him to Church although he comes on special affairs. I have 2 great daughters. The eldest is a graduate of Medical School awaiting to take the boards on February and the youngest is a 4th yr. old bratty in 1st year high school AND a granny of 2 pretty and smart girls. (10 & 8).
Well so much for the intro coz I may bore you. Can I add you to my links?
Marie
Way to go Cass. The world is a better place when you are a better person. I’m on this journey too and wish you the best of luck.
You have to take care of yourself and spend a little money on you, because of course you’re worth it. It’s one of the hardest things for my wife to do – spend on herself. I have to beg her to go buy nice things for herself! I’ve always found it so interesting that women will buy lavish gifts for their friends but won’t buy themselves the smallest things. I guess it’s just the giver in all of you.
You will get there. Really. And being 40 beats the alternative hands down, right?
I enjoyed your post. It’s such a relief to know I am not alone. I don’t know that there will be any more revelations. But there may be. Or there may only be reports of more shopping.
Elizabeth, thank you so much! If you don;t see me got on this in the next day or two, drop by and remind me. I’m old and forgetful, LOL!
Thank you, Sindy. It felt good to say all that.
Thank you for dropping by, and I would be very pleased if you linked to me. I’m curious though. Why are you sad to say your husband is Catholic?
Not really sad cause he’s one good husband and father to my kids though I would be more happy if he belongs to the same faith as mine.
It is hard to put yourself first, even for a little while, but it is worth it. You will feel better and be more able to give of yourself to others who need you. Easier said than done, though, isn’t it?
That’s why I’m traveling, and doing fun things…i want to do them while I’m still capable, enjoying it, and not feeling too worn out,not ill, or have reasons not to. I stopped waiting for rainy days and I’m finding out that if I really want to do it, I can….and I find a way.
Well, the good news is that if you are both Christians, then he is 🙂
It is Daisy, but I’m learning!
Exactly. I’ve been thinking about what you said while you were here 🙂
Hello there Cass! I’m sorry I don’t think I have anything fashionable that fits my patootie right now… can we settle for covers my naked butt? ROFL I’m working on it though ~ in fact I need to go get my walk in before 9:00 rolls around and I need to be back on the computer.