Wow, I’ve been trying to get here all day, and now that I finally sit here with this blank posting box in front of me, I find I don’t know what I want to say. It’s been a long day, mostly full of laundry, with a bit of cleaning on the side, lots of blogging and a little clock watching.
I discovered that I am a lazy blogger sometimes. I posted here a while back that I refused to apologize for my blogging. In order not to feel the need to apologize, I need to do a good job, and I let myself get in a hurry today, and it really showed. I went back and fixed it, but….I should have done it right the first time. I know those who read my blogs via feeds will never see the other HALF of those edited posts. Yeah, half. When I get lazy, I do it in a big way. So. I need to be more careful, and do a better job for myself, because it makes ME feel bad when I don’t. When I don’t turn in my best effort, I’m cheating my sponsors, I’m cheating my readers and I’m cheating myself. I guess I’m a true narcissist, because it’s that last bit that bothers me most of all. Oh, I feel bad about the rest, but it’s letting myself down that really gripes me.
As for the clock watching, I’ve kept you waiting long enough, I suppose. Three so far today, and one more before bed. I’m not planning to smoke in the morning, and not taking any with me on my trip, so I guess I’m about done with that. If I were to apply for Globe life insurance next week, I could answer “no” to that tobacco question. The thing is, ya’ll I don’t really want to quit. I’m doing it because I should, not because I want to. I mean……I don’t want to stink anymore, and the breathing thing is pretty cool, but….I like smoking. It’s how I punctuated my days. It’s how I’ve told myself good night for 20 years. Like a seductive secret lover, whether I was happy or sad, there were no questions. Smoking was just there. Predictable. Soothing. Mine.