Midlife Musings

Reflections on life from 40-something

So, I have a dresser and avoidance issues

November29

Not only do I have a dresser, but I can mostly see the top of it now. How exciting, huh?

Also, I told you I had to make a massive to-do list, and while I have not made the big one, I did make a commitment to listen to a talk a friend gave a few days ago, and I did that this afternoon. It was…enlightening. I don’t struggle with addictions the way she has, but she is a constant inspiration to me, even when she makes me feel uncomfortable. I’d never heard her story before, and it changed a whole lot of things for me, because even though I don’t struggle with alcohol or food like she did, I do struggle with life. I let myself get overwhelmed and short tempered, and I have avoidance issues. I check out. And I use the need to “work” to do that. I use busy-ness to feel important.

I blogged just a fingernail scraping of the edge of this yesterday. Yesterday was a bad day for me, a very bad day to end a string of bad days. And I cannot tell you the difference in my house in less than 24 hours since I let go of all that needing to this, this, and this. I don’t have substantially less to do because I am still wearing 48bazilllion hats, but I no longer feel so overwhelmed. I don’t have to be going 100 miles an hour to live. Sometimes the best possible thing to be is still.

Just because they don’t have an anonymous group for it yet doesn’t mean it’s not capable of destroying your life. I’m blathering. Perhaps I need to KISS. Hi, my name is Cass and I have avoidance issues and I need to slow down.

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I'm Cass. I am a full-time mom to eight great children, a Christian and a blogger. I'm also a knitter, a reader and a movie watcher. And a collector of eclectic oddities.

For the first time in 18 and a half years, I have my own little corner again. Somewhere along the way, I seem to have lost myself, and now that I realize I'm missing, I'm on the look out for me. You maybe don't know what that means, but then again, maybe you do. Regardless, this is where I'll be when I'm not being a mother or a knitter. This is where I'll be just me. And if no one ever reads it, that's ok. I'll know it's here.


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