I am tired. I cleaned today for several hours and I will be cleaning again tomorrow and probably every day this week, until I can’t clean anymore. I had thought right up until I started this post that I was cleaning because the house needs cleaning, and while it is very, very true that the house needs some attention, the truer truth is that I need some serious distraction.

I have posted so many times about my Grandmother, and I have never been able to put into words all I have in my mind and heart. that has not changed. I still won’t be able to do that, but I shall soon have to say something, I think. Grandmother is not doing well at all. She hasn’t had an actual meal in over a week, nor has she taken her medicine. Last night, she took in 10cc’s in 12 hours, and while she did tell the nurse she was hungry today, I am not counting that as a good sign.

And so, I am at home, telling myself I am doing something useful, and trying to forget what is really going on in my life right now. First thing this morning, I scheduled the Cub Scout caroling party, and then the catering for the church Christmas Banquet. And we have indeed changed it to a fully catered event, because it’s probable that I will not even attend this party that I have planned, and so we are going with full service instead of the “just the food” we had planned.

All my outside responsibilities are handled to the point I can hand them off, and now I shall clean. And wait.