Midlife Musings

Why is it that the sicker I am, the more I need sleep but the harder it is to actually get it? I’m too hot, I’m too cold, my joints hurt, I can’t breathe through my nose but it’s running, my lips are chapped and here it is three in the at morning, and I am up surfing the internet, bored out of my mind and considering comparing car insurance on a policy that’s already cut throat cheap and paid up or watching a movie with headphones. I’ve been laying in bed tossing and turning for three stinking hours. It’s not pretty in here, people. I might be forced to clean something if I can’t get to sleep!

That’s what the scale said yesterday, folks. I am pleased with that, as you might guess. And as predicted, diets are rear spoilers, because that thing is well on it’s way to being flat again. I knew it would happen, but it still makes me sad to see it go. It was so cute while it lasted, and I could sit in comfort. Oh well. I still have a behind on the front of me, I guess, and hopefully it will be the next to go.

I haven’t been counting calories for the past 3 days because I have been sick, and not eating enough to worry about it. Hmm, I wonder how many extra calories having a fever burns?

A year ago, give or take a couple of weeks, I signed up with a certain company. They promised to never make me link to porn or questionable sites, and I agreed to link to whatever assignments they gave. For the most part, this isn’t a problem, but sometimes, it feels like I am in bed with the devil! See, the agreement means that they don’t really have to pay much attention to which blogs they pass which assignments, too. Like this week, for instance: I had a life insurance link for this blog which I managed to work into a post in what I considered to be a reasonably effective yet unobtrusive way, only to look down my list and see this: life insurance quotes, from a different sponsor. Yes, I just made a sentence with two colons. I have mad English Skillz, I tells ya. My point is, umm, duh! I have five blogs with them, and could they not possibly have spread those two links out? How do you advertisers feel about that? Do you think you are getting your money’s worth?

And over at their forum, which they have, but we aren’t allowed to quote it OR link to it, if you mention something like this, you are accused of trying to weasel out of your assignments, people volunteer to take your work, and the thread is locked and/or deleted. And yet there are still people going on and on about the wonderfulness of the company. Now, don’t get me wrong, the company is run by a nice group of people, and for the most part, I enjoy the work I do for them. But it would be nice to be able to express a concern or ask a question without the saccharin crowd coming after me with pitchforks.

Speaking of saccharin crowds, it’s interesting that all of them apparently hate the one paid blogging company that does take feedback from it’s users and also allows (no, encourages) it’s bloggers to pick and choose relevant topics. But, hey, I at least got the link in, right?

Now let’s discuss that one where they want me to create a logo and a business card, screenshot it, crop it, post it and tell how easy it all was for $7.50. Hahahahhahahahah, yeah right.

You know there are a lot of things that make me feel guilty. One of them is that I am not able to help my mom with Grandmother’s stuff as much as I feel I should. I’m not blowing her off, but I am just heavily scheduled. (BTW, Mama, next Saturday, we are on. I think.) I’ve enjoyed the couple of times I have been able to go with her, but it’s not easy work. It’s not hard work, either, but it is heart work. I touched on that just a bit when I told you about the note I found.

See, in between the old issues of Birds and Blooms and the shower chairs, (yes, two, Granddad’s old one was still there, I think) we find things like this:

and this:

The picture is of my grandparents, probably taken not long after they married. There is one of Grandmother alone from that same day, and I have a picture of it as well. The bowl in the second picture belonged to my great grandmother. In fact, I have a lot of pictures of people and things that I need to tell about, but the telling is also heart work. And I am just not ready to work quite that heart right now.

It sure seems like I used to write here a lot more frequently than I am currently doing. If it’s any consolation, I’m not writing much at all. There’s just the same ol’ same ol’ going on for the most part, and beyond being hated on by trifling little fools those who fail to grasp the bigger picture, I’m just plodding on. Of course, it’s laughable that anyone could hate on me, and if you’ve met me in person, you know that, LOL!

So, what did I do this weekend? I said I was just plodding on, but that’s not quite true. There was the youth lock-in on Friday night. I didn’t sleep at all, didn’t even lay down, and I had a good time. It’s not everyday that I get to do the twist with a teenager, and I’ll just move on now and leave you with that mental image, hahahaha

Then today, there was little children’s music practice. And also a potluck after church, so I was setting up for that before and after, and lo! and behold! I did not even get to finish eating because I was talking to the other youth leader and he said it was distracting in the fellowship hall, let’s go to the office, so I did. I think that one of the first things I want to do when I get to heaven is sit down and eat an entire meal from prayer through dessert and coffee without getting up. Just sayin’. Perhaps fried chicken with my Grandmother. We’ll order take out so neither of us has to cook. Or maybe I’ll cook if she’ll clean just one more time

In the meantime, though, I am not shopping for affordable life insurance. I am rolling on, making plans, thanking God for the mighty privilege of serving others, of shaping little hearts, touching young lives with His love. I’m having the time of my life, right in between the sleepless night and rollercoaster days, and all the same ol’ same ol ones, too.

Dear All Ya’ll People I Have Offended,

I just want to let you know that I was smiling when I wrote whatever it was that hacked you off. I’ve found that humor is useful to grease the wheels of life, and I make it a point to use it whenever possible. I’m sorry it’s not always possible to project a light-hearted attitude through words alone, but I can assure you that at least 50% of the time you think I am rude and angry, my eyes are twinkling, and I am trying to do a job as painlessly for both of us as I can.

No, let me try again

Umm, well. I’m real conflicted here, see. Cause while that above is true, I’m just not sure what to think about people who think I am serious. I guess my warped sense of humor is….warped.

Nope, that wasn’t it either.

Ok, I think what I am trying to say is that when it comes to people, you get what you expect, especially in the internet world. If you expect people to be rude/angry, then whatever they say will be perceived that way by you. If you expect them to be laughing, that’s how you will read what they write. A very wise friend of mine said not to long ago that if you consistently have a problem with someone, you might want to look at that a little closer because the problem most likely lies within you, not them. I’m going to keep being myself, calling the shots like I see them, living my life. In the end, whether I am Cantankerous Cass or Convivial Cass is totally up to you.

Now then. A quick glance at my Technomarine watch tells me it’s time to move on. I’ve let this issue consume a couple of hours of my life, and that was 115 minutes too many.

So, with the dieting new lifestyle choices and all, I am learning a bit about food. Apparently, I had taken fruit and dairy completely out of my eating repertoire without noticing when I decided to count calories. That’s not so good ya’ll. I discovered my error when I looked at this food plan that a friend of mine uses. Well, then I went looking at my personalized food pyramid, and it’s different, though not by much. At least on the surface.

Once you get beyond the surface, there are big differences. The most important one to me is that I can meet my calorie limits on the first one, and even indulge in an occasional treat, but on the food pyramid, I am consistently going over the 1200-1300 calories that I have allotted myself while I need to lose weight. I know that’s what it takes for me to drop the pounds. OTOH, I know that the habits I create during this time of transition are the ones that will stick with me and affect my health for years to come. I also know that I haven’t had enough calcium/magnesium/vitamin D on a daily basis since I finished high school, and that, at 40, it’s time to start thinking about bone density and such. Probably past time.

Obviously, I am going to have to look at my food choices again. Comparing the plans, the amount of protein and dairy/protein is about the same, the major difference is the amount of grains. I’m thinking that I should cut a couple of grains for now, so that my body has to burn fat for energy. After all, cheating myself of dairy at this point is kinda like taking legal steroids to build muscle mass but not exercising: it’s just not going to work long term. Besides, I have it on good authority that Vitamin D helps fight winter depression, and that would suit me just fine.

Saturday was the Pinewood Derby for my boy scouts. I worked in the kitchen selling hot dogs to raise funds for camp scholarships, and so my angle on things was a little different from most of the spectators. This scene that I have captured here is a very poignant one, and I want to introduce you to the hero pictured here.

Lief was my oldest son’s den leader last year. He’s a big burly guy, with several earrings and more than one tattoo. He’s bold, and he’s loud, and the kids just LOVE him. Mr. Lief, Mr. Lief, Mr. Lief. And not just from Stuntman, either, but from most of my kids, LOL! Lief has no kids, and he was rooked into leading the den by a friend of his. His day job is teaching, which seems pretty basic, until I tell you that he teaches at the juvenile detention center. I just found out a few weeks ago that Lief is not as young as I thought. I guess I figured that he taught there because that’s the type of job he could find, being so young, and with the earrings and tats an all. In fact, the man is 35 years old. But really, none of that is what makes him a hero. That stuff is just an ordinary guy who happens to care a lot about kids.

In this picture, he’s helping with the Pinewood Derby. He had the job of gathering the cars after each run and taking them back up to the front of the room. On his way back, he’d crouch real low and “five” the boys as he went. The kids absolutely ate it up! You see I’ve caught him here with the American flag while he was waiting for a set of cars to come down the track. In one month, Lief is going back to Iraq. Yes, I said back. What makes him a hero is that a month from his tour, he’s still making these kids’ day, still involved with them, still so “here” for them.