Midlife Musings

It’s that time again, folks. Time to hold my failures up to public ridicule, and also to brag on myself. It’s my fervent hope that there is more of the latter than the former.

Crafting
Yep, made some stuff, didn’t spend any money, see the craft blog for details.

Financial
We did maintain the status quo, but no further progress was made. I did spend a boatload of money this month, but most of it was on general household needs. We aren’t any further behind, but we aren’t any closer to caught up, either. Guess that means “bring the light bill current goes on the April plan.

School
While we still aren’t doing group work, we are doing much better with school in general. I changed my schedule so that I work first thing in the morning, and then turn immediately to school, starting with my youngest student and going to the oldest. Depending what time I get through with work, we’re done with school between 3 and 5, and that’s working at a steady but unhurried pace. Of course, I’d still like to be done by noon, but then what would I do, sit here and surf the internet?

Family More, Internet Less
I am doing better here. I know this is true, because of the house and the school. I still sit at the desk a lot, but I’m not always playing online. And I am actually leaving the desk more, too.

Time with Dh
I have totally fallen off the wagon with this one. Time with dh absolutely depends on getting the last of the kids in bed by 9. I need to be in bed by 10 in order to get up without grumpiness at 6:45. Bedtime for the older ones is not a priority with him, mostly I think because he doesn’t see the correlation. That’s ok, the world is not going to end, but honesty compels me to be … well, honest. And the truth is, this isn’t happening as I’d wish it, too.

Weight Loss
This one just about has me in tears. Still stuck there at 154. I am a weak, weak woman, and that is a fact. I enjoy eating with my family, and I have been doing that way too much, I guess, when I should be eating my “food from the box”. They make it difficult because they want me to come sit with them. And I do like to sit with them, but … hmm, time to buckle back down to it! I did pick up a few meal replacements this weekend, so perhaps I will have something better to say on April 30th.

Bible Reading
Yes. This one is a yes, LOL!

Reading
Also a yes. This is one of the things I do when I move away from the computer. In fact, on Friday, I went to the library for the express purpose of getting books to review. And I’ve already read one of them! And I also finished Matrimony and wrote a fairly lengthy review of it on this blog. And I am currently reading A Thousand Splendid Suns.

House Cleaning
Ummm, not so much. Held steady, but not much progress, except for a little furniture re-arranging in my room. I also got the huge stack of bins out of the office area, but that was mostly just putting them in other places–they aren’t really “dealt with”, but we will get there. I think for this month, my goal is to maintain what I’ve done and get the stuff out of the freezer cubby, either via eBay or the midwife. Anybody need a sling or some newborn diapers? Breast pump? I have several of those, LOL!

To-Do list
Sigh. That’s all I want to say about that. But no, I must say more. I did add some new projects to it, and I am seriously trying to streamline and consolidate stuff so I can get on with the list. I keep meaning to come back after school and work on it (it’s mostly internet related), but I am so brain-drained by the time school is over that it’s just not happening. I’m totally satisfied that I have my priorities lined up correctly, but I still don’t like being so far behind. Ladies and Gents, there are items on that list from last NOVEMBER. Sigh.

And there we have an entire moaning paragraph sandwiched with sighs. It just doesn’t get any more whiny than that, now does it?

Organizing
In February, I said: Oh, as noted above, much my stuff is together. Now I can begin work on my thoughts and ideas and get something done with my days aside from just getting through them!

This is happening, and this one item indicates success to me, because it’s the fruit of all the others, really. I am getting stuff done. I’m no longer looking around in bewilderment. I am no longer befuddled. I know what needs to be done, and I am doing my best to make it happen. That’s a good thing, ya’ll. A very good thing.

Better Blogger
March 2007 : 1070
Feb 2008: 1257
March 2008: 1228 so far and the day isn’t over yet.

Not worked on this month
Craft Trip
Family Trip
Travel alone
Prayer
Christmas

I used the timer to take this one last Wednesday. This is what I look like when I’m blogging. The camera was on the shelf in front of me. My hair is still wet, and yes, that is an earbud cord you see, thanks for asking.

I know I blogged about the sermon on Resurrection Sunday, but there is yet more to tell. We had a special singer, too. Now, it happened to be a girl I graduated with back in the day. She was the homecoming queen. I used to think she had the perfect life, yk? Beautiful, popular, she was just it. I’ve only seen her a few times since we graduated, and you know what? She’s still beautiful, she’s still popular, and she is still it, only now it means on fire for God. Wow! She had that room rocking, and it. was. totally. wonderful! And oh, it made me so jealous!

Now, we know the Bible tells us not to be covetous. And some people make a mistake and they think that means we can’t be jealous, either. What I want to share today is that there is a difference between covetousness and jealousy, and that jealousy can be a GOOD thing, if we harness it and use it, instead of letting it fester in us.

First, let’s define covetousness, and explain why it’s wrong. If I am covetous, that mean I want what you have and I don’t want you to have it anymore. We’re probably most familiar with the term covert from the 10 commandments, where we are told “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s.” (Exodus 20:17). It appears in several other places, but I am only going to point out a couple more. In Micah 2, we find this: 1 Woe to those who devise iniquity, And work out evil on their beds! At morning light they practice it, Because it is in the power of their hand. 2 They covet fields and take them by violence, Also houses, and seize them. So they oppress a man and his house, A man and his inheritance. and in James 4, 1 Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? 2 You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask. Do you see the pattern of folks wanting what they should not have and then committing wrong acts to obtain it? Covetousness, when it reaches full growth, will cause you to sin against others.

But what about jealousy? Surely jealousy will cause the same thing? Well, yes and no. We’ve all known folks who were jealous of another’s gorgeous hair or eyes, and treated them poorly because of it. I’m pretty sure, though, that the root sins in that case are pride and anger, not the desire for what another has. In 2 Corinthians, we find these words For I am jealous for you with godly jealousy. For I have betrothed you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ. So then we know there is such a thing as Godly jealousy. See, when my friend was singing, and the Holy Ghost was falling on that place so heavy you could reach out and touch Him, I wanted that! And what’s more, I remembered that I used to have that.

What happened? I got involved with life. I let my cares, my duties, my obligations, my family’s needs, my own desires, even church work, get me to a place where I was dry, doing things in my own power, where I forgot that the yoke was supposed to be easy, the burden light. I let my focus get off God, the purpose of the work, and settle on the work itself. Now, God was faithful, and he enabled me to keep on keeping on, but the JOY was pure-tee gone from it. I was like David when he wrote Psalm 57 and said Make me hear joy and gladness, That the bones You have broken may rejoice. Hide Your face from my sins, And blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence, And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.

And so what did I do about it? I pulled out those Gospel cd’s that I had quit listening to because I was afraid they would offend dh, or the kids wouldn’t like them because they were old, and I ripped them to my mp3 player, right there with the jazz and country and pop and podcasts, and I spend time listening and praising God each day. And Praise The Lord, there has been JOY in this house this week. I’ve had church here every day! I’m working harder and I’m working longer, but there is a spring in my step, and a smile on my face, because now I remember why I am doing all the stuff that I do. Hallelujah! And the kids are having to listen to those “old” songs anyway, because I can’t help but sing!! It just bubbles up and comes pouring right out!! See, that jealousy was a good thing for me.

And let me tell you one more thing. One day, it’s gonna be over. I have a choice over how I go out of this life. I can go with a whimper or I can go with a shout. When I go, I want to leave shouting Soooooooooooooo! Why? Because the Bible says “let the redeemed of the Lord say so”! I’m not perfect, I’m just forgiven. I’m redeemed. Redeemed means I haven’t had a thing to do with it: Some One Else paid the whole cost. And He didn’t just pay for my life, He paid for my abundant life. Joy and Peace and Strength for the journey. Amen!

While acknowledging that we can’t judge books by their covers, how much does the design of a book affect your reading enjoyment? Hardcover vs. softcover? Trade paperback vs. mass market paperback? Font? Illustrations? Etc.?

In generel, I prefer hardbacks to paperbacks and the large paperbacks (I guess those are called trade paperbacks) to the regular (mass market?) ones. There are a couple of reasons for this, all of which are related. First, I can read while knitting if the pattern is easy, but I can’t hold books open and knit. Hardbacks and the trade paperbacks will hold themselves open given the tiniest bit of help. Mass market paperbacks won’t do this. Second, there are more words per page in the larger format books, so I have to reach down less often to turn the page. Third, the fonts are larger so that I can comfortably read with the book sitting beside me on the couch as opposed to held in my hands.

The fonts don’t usually affect my reading decisions, though I prefer bookman on the computer. Illustrations likewise.

BTW, if you are coming through on the BTT wagon, I finally finished Matrimony, and you can find my review in the post under this one.

First, a thank you to acne treatment for sponsoring this post.

So, I finally finished Matrimony by Joshua Henkin last night. I enjoyed this book without enjoying it, if that makes any sense at all. The author’s style is not my favorite, and I read it because I was supposed to participate in a message board discussion of it. I never did participate in the discussion, because I had trouble registering for the boards, but duty compelled me to finish the book. And in the weighing, I am glad I did.

The book follows the three main characters over almost 20 years of their lives. It’s fleshed out by their memories of childhood and their encounters with other people, so there’s plenty going on. Nothing stellar happens to any of them, they are just normal folks living normal lives, making normal mistakes, facing normal losses and happinesses. In truth, I did not identify with any of them. It’s just the story of their lives, and their lives are both like mine and different: mostly boring with occasional roller coaster moments.

It’s a thinnish book, really: just under 300 pages. I could have read it in a couple of days had I actually been able to sit down with it. I think I am glad I couldn’t do that though, because the book deserves more. It deals with weighty matters that truly deserve some time and thought. How can I say that, when I’ve said I read it out of duty and even used “boring” to describe it? Well, I just can. Perhaps because there are more similarities than I was willing to admit? Perhaps because in a world stuffed with books in which the characters are larger than life and well beyond the reach of mere mortals, a book that is essentially real is a refreshing change?

There is inherent value in a book that causes us to consider life and birth, death and dying, separation and coming together, anger and love and loss and moving on. In the end, that is the point I took from the book: life goes on, it continues in it’s familiar everydayness and in that very sameness is comfort and joy. The last sentence of the book reads “… with the lights still out, everything dark, the house blanketed in shadows, he follows the sound [of his wife speaking to his infant son], his dog dutifully trailing him, and heads upstairs to see what’s going on.” Life is just sameness punctuated by mere moments of exhilaration, and that is okay.

For the first time in many days, I am sitting here ready to post, but lacking an idea of what to write about. Ordinarily on Wednesday, I’d pop off a product review or something to do with health and beauty or a Lensday post. See, I have options and backup options and backup on the backup. Today, however, there are a series of issues.

1) This week’s Lensday challenge isn’t posted yet. I’m finding this is usually the case at my normal posting time. You’ll note I missed Manic Monday for the same reason. I need to get my posting done earlier in the day than some of the memes are ready. Which serves as a great incentive to get mne ready and auto publish just after midnight, I guess.

2)I’m not up for a health and beauty post because I am still paying the penalty for that period of time that I put my momentary desires above my weight goal. Consequently, I don’t feel qualified to give anybody any advice, nor do I wish to wallow in my own failure to do what I want to do for my own self. Ok, one piece of advice: if you are trying to count calories, WRITE DOWN your food counts. Seriously, because if you think you can “just keep it in your head”, you can’t. Boys and girls, I lost weight eating fruitcake when I kept track of the numbers, and I gained eating “just food” when I stopped.

3)The only things I’ve purchased lately are new sneakers and the mp3 player, both of which I have mentioned. Hmm, mentioned. Not discussed in detail. Ok, let me talk about my new shoes. I’m really enjoying them! I got the New Balnce Abzorb WR414wfs. These things weigh next to nothing; they feel like butterflies on my feet! I tried on a few pairs in different brands and these fit my narrow-heeled high-arched foot the best of any of them. I’ve worn them every other day for a couple of weeks now, and I am still very pleased with them. That’s a high compliment from this clog wearing gal. These are without a doubt the best fitting shoe I have ever had, with the exception of my red Fanfare pumps, which I outgrew during my first pregnancy. That was 20 years ago, and I still mourn those shoes.

Thank you to my sponsor, City Feet, who specializes in commercial real estate transactions.

I should totally make a button for this series. I am just liking the buttons lately. A lot. First what we aren’t going to discuss: Matrimony. I had hoped to finish it, but NO! Instead I have spent my time knitting and ripping, knitting and ripping. So, only one magazine got finished to report on this week, but I hope to tell you about the book next week.

Do many of you watch Dexter? My friend Colleen told a group of us about it, and I blew it off since I don’t sub to Showtime. Due to the writer’s strike, though, it’s airing on network tv, and I am enjoying it. It’s the story of a serial killer who is also a police officer. Dexter’s running dialogue with himself is … eerily similar to my own. Well, minus the murder parts, but I do talk in my own head a lot.

There is one thing that I have been chewing on for a bit now: in the second episode, Dexter’s dad explains that when you kill a person you aren’t just killing them, but you are killing everything they would have done or achieved in their lifetime. The context was that Dexter should think carefully about what he was doing, and not just be killing people willy-nilly. I’ve been chewing this, and trying to take the long view of my actions. It’s not just murder, not just bad things, that have a lasting effect. When you build someone up, it also effects them–and the people they will affect throughout their lifetime.

I picked up the latest Woman’s Day at the store this weekend. Nothing jumped out at me as far as this issue went. There was a little blurb on how vitamin D helps prevent heart issues and such, but I knew that already, and there were some tips on how to save time cleaning, but I didn’t find them very practical. Since this was why I purchased the mag, I was a little disappointed. You might like them, though, so…

And this week, I have listened to a SLEW of podcasts. I am subbed to several knitting and history podcasts, and I am enjoying the freedom of listening away from the computer. I’m looking to add a cooking show, and maybe some free audiobooks.

OH! One more thing! Carla had recommended A Thousand Splendid Suns to me and I am pleased to say it came yesterday. It’s next on the TBR pile. Perhaps I will sit on my patio furniture to read it. If you can call a lawn chair on the back stoop “patio furniture”.

I know I haven’t posted a Sunday Sermon recap in a long time, but I think it’s time to get back into that habit, and also, yesterday’s sermon was just so powerful that I can’t not share. You know, there comes a point in your Walk that you have heard the Easter Story preached so many times that you settle in on Resurrection Story expecting to hear the same thing you’ve heard before. But yesterday, Pastor didn’t just preach the gospel, though the gospel was certainly included. Instead, he looked out at us, and he talked about the things that had happened on Friday. He talked about the journey Jesus had made through the streets of Jerusalem, and the things that were done to Him, and how his enemies, and even some of his followers, certainly thought it was over. And he reminded us of the things Jesus had said on the cross, and then he said………..

Why are you living on Friday?

It wasn’t finished, and it wasn’t over, and it is still not over, because the Power of the Resurrection is the same power we can live in today! There is no need to live defeated. That was Friday! Come out of Friday, because it is in the past. It’s over, and now it’s Sunday all the time! Resurrection Sunday!

It was an incredible service for me, and I realized how often I have fallen in to that trap of defeated living. But when God says nothing is impossible, that is exactly what He means. NOTHING! Not one thing! And that means yes, you can. Whatever He has called you to do, whatever dream He has given you, it is attainable in His strength. On Sunday, if only you are willing to live in Sunday instead of Friday.