Ok, I finally understand. When I told ya’ll I wanted and mp3 player, I wanted one because everyone else had one. Kinda like back in the day when I had to have blue suede Ponys (quit laughing, that was THE SHOE here in 1983 BittyBurg) and “button down” shirts. Now, though, having loaded the thing with music I hand selected, I get it. It no longer matters what the next song is, unlike the radio or even the cd player. I like every cut on here, and each one is like an old friend.

For those keeping a record, I knew I was sunk when the first song played. It was Willie Nelson’s Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain. At that point, it was oh-ver, ya’ll.

I was at Wal-Mart last weekend with my middle girls. I was kinda excited about the trip, even though dh was working and so I had to wait until 6PM to leave. I planned to buy groceries, and I had received a call about cooking some food for church on Sunday, so I needed to pick up provisions for that as well. None of that was what excited me, though. See, I had received a good size payment for some work, and after investing some of it back in to my business, I figured I had well nigh earned myself a shiny new MP3 player, and by golly, “tonight was the night”.

Now, let me admit right up front that I don’t need an MP3 player. I can’t really think of anyone who actually does. But I want one, because it’s a shiny little toy, and I could put my podcasts on it, and listen to them away from the computer, and also I heard you could find books in MP3, and oh yes, music. Besides, I got dh one for Christmas, and my mom bought some for my girls, and don’t I deserve an MP3 player?

So we got there and started shopping. And we added this and that to the cart. I had bought some hair and face stuff, and I knew Diva needed a new swimsuit, and then she reminded me she needed pants, and Lord, it is true, I have seen her ankles all week long, hello. Oh, and also, Mom, I need church shoes. (The child, she is a weed this month. Soon she will need one of those adjustable beds, so we can lengthen it, and where she gets that from I declare I do not know.) And that’s where I got mad. Because if I bought her all that stuff, there would be no money left for an MP3 player and shouldn’t I be able to do something nice for MYself? Oh I had myself a right good pity party for about 2 minutes, and then I realized something: I have everything I need, and the gift God had given me with the extra work was the ability to meet the needs of my child, now.

James told us that he had no greater pleasure than to hear that his children walk in truth. I have no greater fear than that mine will walk in need. God knew she would grow, God knew I would need to buy her new clothes, God sent work, and work means money. Thank you God, for work and money. And thank You for the heart-check as well. I needed it most of all.

~~~
But wait, there’s more! Since I typed this post out a few days ago, God has sent yet MORE work, and guess what? I do have that shiny new MP3 player! I’m putting music on it right now!

Today’s question is:

How about a chance to play editor-in-chief? Fill in the blanks:

__________ would have been a much better book if ______________________.

Hmmm, this one is a bit difficult for me. I haven’t been reading much in recent years, which is a bad thing. Because I don’t get to read very much, I am fairly strict with books: if I am not engaged within the first tenth of the book, I close it and move on. I do have an answer though, even though it may seem like a cheat.

I think The Time Traveler’s Wife would have been a much better book if it had gone on longer after I understood. There came a point probably halfway through the book that I finally understood with my heart what was going on, and I just cried. Can I just say, and you not think me weird, that this book is sooo good, even more than a year later? And Henry and Clare are totally real, in that Velveteen Rabbit sort of realness. I still flash back on them from nowhere.

Hmm, I should totally read this again.

Today, however, I am still reading Matrimony. One of the injustices of life is that it now takes me a month to read a one day book.

Well, hmmph, that’s no fun, is it? I weighed this morning, and it is definitely time to get back on track with my eating. While I was sick, I just ate whatever appealed (which wasn’t much), and I also managed to get myself out of the breakfast habit. I know that breakfast is important, but it is totally going to take more than a couple of weeks to undo a two and a half DECADE habit, yk? The good news is that I did not gain any, and also that I sat down as part of my menu planning last week, and put together some breakfast menus, so I at least have some good options available.

Of course, it was easier to make time for breakfast when I was getting up earlier. I just realized last night that there is more to altering my sleep schedule than depression. I am using it to avoid…dealing with dh. If I get up as he is leaving for work, then there is less chance for us to discuss the issues that always lead to fights, the issues that are so large that we can’t talk without bringing them up. That’s probably a wrong attitude on my part, but I am tired of the constant stress. I’m pretty sure that time will take care of the issue, though, and that is a good thing. After all, I have plenty of that, right?

On the bright side, I still have good hair.

Those of you who’ve been reading for awhile may remember that I have been struggling with a massive to-do list. Yesterday, I sat down and consolidated that list into a usable form. I dropped down to 83 items from a high of 105. 4 pages instead of 6. Would I be totally weird for showing a picture of my to-do list? Too compulsive? Freaky? Fiendishly controlling? Well, I don’t care. Here is approximately HALF of my list.

What are you up to today? Click the icon below and let us all know.

Wherein we have a round up of things I have seen, read, heard and thought about.

Mags

I subscribed to a few magazines this past week and then when I was at the store, I picked up the lastest issues of a couple of them while I wait for the subs to kick in. One of the benefits of getting my desk cleaned off was finding those reminder cards I had pulled from various magazines, LOL! One of the mags I ordered is InStyle: I had seen a couple of issues at the hair dresser and doctor’s office, and I had been disappointed to be called before I had finished reading, so I finally went to the website and ordered it. Anyway! InStyle! I read this one because I like the advertisements in the front, the articles are short and it’s picture intensive. I’ll also note that it is THICK, and it takes a couple hours at least to get through it. Also, it comes with a book mark in the front, so you can keep your place. Here’s what I learned from this month’s issue:

• General Foods Coffee House Drinks to go. Thta’s right, little single serving pouches to throw in your purse, with calcium and antioxidants! Oh yes. I like this kind of stuff in coffee, in the place of creamer and sugar, very rich, very yummy, very decadent.
• This spring’s clothes are some of the ugliest clothes I’ve seen in years with just a couple of must have pieces. For me, bright colors are a yes, extreme cuts are a no.
• Also, Nicky Hilton has what may be the world’s ugliest dining room ever. It’s hideous, truly, though I do like the rest of her house.

Movies

This week, we’ve been watching Jason Bourne. No. Back up. We’ve been watching Matt Damon play Jason Bourne. So far, we’ve seen (again) Identity and Supremacy, and Ultimatum should be here later today. My review may be tainted by the fact that I read the books (*gasp*, there were books???) some 20 years ago, but I have to confess that Matt Damon was far too young in Identity to be convincing as a secret agent. He really didn’t look a day over 16, and it was hard to believe he actually had the experience to do the job. Marie (Franka Potente), however, was totally believable. He looks almost old enough to pass in Supremacy, though, and both movies are good action flicks, and hanging with Jason Bourne would make most self defense products so passe.

Music

Nothing here. I’ve got some sitting on my desk, but I haven’t opened it yet. I only put that title here so I could have three points that all began with M. What can I say, I’m a big loser!

What’s your favorite thing to spend money on?
If you could retire tomorrow what would you do?
Should anything be censored and if so, what and why?

I may have an unorthodox view of money, but I have to admit that I don’t really have a favorite thing to spend it on. To me, money is a tool, and it’s used to take care of needs, whether those needs are mine or not is mostly irrelevant. I truly believe that God places money in our hands in stewardship, not owning, and that we are responsible for using it in ways that will glorify Him. I believe that he also places those in need in our path so that we can minister to them in His name–Jesus with hands on, if you will. This is not to say that we should never have fun, because ya’ll know I have fun. And I buy stuff just because i want it and I can. But if I know my neighbor needs food, and I spend money on frivolous stuff instead of helping him, I’ve done wrongly. Of course, I’ve also noticed that if I help the neighbor, that money ends up being replaced and I get my frivols anyway. God’s like that.

Travel! If I could retire tomorrow, it would be because I had enough money to travel, and that is exactly what I would do.

Yes, some things should be censored. Parents ought to be able to control the materials their child comes in contact with until at least the mid-teens. Message board owners shouldn’t have to countenance any horse’s ass who decides to drop by and cause trouble. None of this applies to the government doing the censoring. All of this applies to personal property rights (the boards) and fiduciary trust (the children).

Welcome to Self Portrait Sunday at Midlife Musings. I hope all our old players have followed us, and I hope we pick up new participants as well. All you have to do is post your picture. Then post it along with the code below. Come back and leave a comment so we can find you.

I tell you, there is nothing like being satisfyingly tired at the end of a good hair day to make you wish you had bothered to put on just a little bit of make-up. Oh well, here I am anyway! Proof that you don’t have to be having a glam day to show your face to the public.

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