A friend of mine has been asking a lot of questions lately. Three days ago, he asked:
if you were given money to remodel your house what would you change first?
and then it was :
if you had $1 million to start a new business what would it be?
and then this morning, a biggie:
what’s one thing you’ve done that you’d like to erase?
I answered the first two pretty quickly, but I have been mulling over the last one for most of the day. What one thing is so big that erasing it could change your whole life? The only thing I can think of would be a life partner.
Now, before I go any further, I need to clarify something. I am NOT announcing a major change in my life at this point. And even if I were, I would not be going about wishing to erase my marriages. Both of my marriages led to children, and even in my darkest pit of darkest pit days, I know that I know that my children are blessings. Each and every one of them. Erasing one or both of those marriages would mean I didn’t have these children, and that would be unacceptable to me. Now, having clarified that, let’s continue. Back to life partners.
So, I was thinking about what an important choice it is to take a spouse. Studies indicate that this one decision is the over-riding factor in determining whether one is satisfied with life or not. I totally believe this is true. And I think if more people married with the intent of sticking it out instead of trying it on for fit, if they weighed the potential heartache, then they might be a touch slower in getting married. They might give it more thought. They might give it the amount of consideration it deserves.
YK, when I first started reading about online dating sites, I laughed at the very idea that someone would meet a man or woman online and then marry them. And then in the interim, I’ve watched relationships form with people I “know” and also with some I really do know, and I have to say, it may not be as crazy as I thought at first. Who/what better to decide if two people are really compatible than an unbiased computer program, who cannot “see” what either person looks like or be influenced by the size of their wallets?
Now, you do still have to be careful. Some of the sites out there are set up to rip you off. They charge high fees up front, and then they string you along asking for a monthly fee to continue searching. But a decent one, like True, will allow you to search for free. That’s right, FREE. Sign up is free and so is searching. Just do yourself a favor: answer the questions honestly, and mke your first meetings in public. It might not be a bad idea to make your first several meetings in public. actually. Just because you answered honestly doesn’t mean the other person did 🙄
So, back to today’s question– I still don’t have an answer for my inquisitive friend. Overall, I am thinking nothing. Everything or person I have encountered/enjoyed/hated/embraced/avoided has helped make me who I am today. I may not always understand me so much, but I am beginning to like me pretty well, finally. There may be things I would not choose to do again, but there is nothing I would erase, because life is a string, coiled back in on itself in innumerable ways, always touching itself in places we don’t see at the time. Anything I changed about yesterday would affect today or tomorrow in a way I might not like.