Self Portrait Sunday 7/19/2009


I have no idea why I look half drunk in this picture. I haven’t had a drop in three days, I promise. But the other three were even worse, so we’ll go with this one.

This week, I have worked. And also worked. And had some coffee. And lunch. And I worked. And I thought about cakes, with both layers and frosting, not just frosting. Slowing down.

I spent some time thinking about the importance of making time for important things. I spent some time defining what was important. You know what I came up with? People. People are important. Also, clean laundry. And I am important. Even in the midst of all I do for others, making sure my needs are met is also important. In fact, if I don’t do that, I will be less able to do for others, and then that whole miserable cycle where I spend a couple of years wearing pajamas may start again. Hey, I like pajamas, but putting on a bra should not constitute “getting dressed”.

Let me tell you a something. You might have figured out from some of my posts here that I have a few daddy issues. And not in that perv way, but in a very real way. Both the men I’ve called/call Daddy have failed me in fairly significant ways at one time or another, mostly through no fault of their own. I truly believe both of them were doing the best they could at the time with the resources and knowledge that they had. At 41, I can see that, but then, as a child, I could not. All I saw was the fail. Anyway, as a result of that, there are other men I look up to in the way some girls look up to their dad. I saw one of them today, first time I had seen him in a couple of years. And he hugged me for the longest time, we were rubbing each others backs and telling each other it was “so good to see you again.” And when that man put his hands on my waist, they were trembling. And not from emotion, it was a purely physical tremor. I saw the same thing in another older man today that I have known for awhile. The people I admire and respect are short timers now. They are getting old. And I hadn’t noticed it in my own folks, I guess because I see them so much, and the changes are so gradual. I was so not prepared when my grandparents died just last year, and I am so not ready for this. No amount of home insurance is going to keep my emotional and mental house safe. I am the grown up now. I am being dragged kicking and screaming into areas I do not want to go.

It is so true that life is but a vapor. And on that note, I need to go slice the ham. My kids are hungry and waiting on me. That’s an important thing, and I need to make time for it.

2 thoughts on “Self Portrait Sunday 7/19/2009

  1. Lady, you have never looked better. I’ve been reading your blog off and on for the past year or so and you’re getting better with age.

  2. It is definitely true that we all tend to put the urgent in front of the important. In the real estate biz we’re constantly being pulled in every direction to attend to the emergencies of one person or another. I’m constantly having to remind myself that the birthday parties and t-ball games will only come around once. I’m 41 too, and can definitely relate to your blog comments. Long live the 1967 folks! Thanks for your post.

Comments are closed.