Ever just laid on the bed staring at one of those ceiling fans with lights? Whirr, whirr, whirr, you can’t even see the light and dark because the blades spin so fast. That’s how my mind has been since I last posted. I didn’t realize until yesterday it had been a whole month. But what a month it has been!
One of the young men in our small town died by his own hand not long after I posted my last set of entries. Summer session started, with seven credit hours in 16 class days. That wraps up Tuesday, thank God, and if I can pull C’s on the finals, I will have A’s in the classes. And in the middle of all that, one of my online friends died, suddenly and unexpectedly. And that’s just the big stuff, folks. I keep waiting for things to get back on an even keel, and I have finally come to the conclusion that a life preserver is just going to be mandatory because the sea of events is not going to slow down appreciably any time in the near future.
So, what have I done to help myself with that?
I’d like to say that I did the yoga every day that I was intending to do when classes started. Ummm, no. Did not happen. I’d like to tell you that I stayed faithful to my morning journal writing, that didn’t happen either. I’d like to mention how I made sure to get plenty of rest and eat a healthy diet, but that didn’t happen either. I basically abandoned any pretense of self-care from the moment that child died, and I have yet to rectify it other than by noting it needs rectifying. Not the smartest thing I’ve ever done, and as a consequence, I have gained a few pounds, lost more sleep than I can account for, failed to take deep breaths, and gotten a little short-fused.
That’s changing. I’m going on a relaxing little trip this weekend. I will allow myself to study a bit for my stats exam on Monday on Sunday afternoon. I will take my Health Psych final on Tuesday. But before I do that, I will spend some time doing yoga, or walking, or doing any darn thing that gets my body moving, and I will write in my journal. And then, I am off for the rest of the summer. Time to do some reading, some writing, some purging of the house, some dreaming, and some playing. Time to remember my own name, and whether or not I am coming or going!
In fact, I think I will pack my journal and my walking shoes before I leave tonight.