Yesterday, I chatted briefly with a friend about some things, including the meditative open mind.  “When you get there,” he said, “think on a problem you have.”

“Don’t try to solve it,” he said.

“Just hold it there in your mind, and look at it,” he said.

“Pay special attention to any areas of seeming mutual exclusivity,” he said.

So, last night about 12:30, I found myself in that calm and peaceful state.  I went to sleep with it.  I woke up with it.  And this morning, in conversation with another friend, I looked at this problem:  how can I satisfy my need to go out from here AND maintain the integrity of my children’s’ educational lives?  This has been an issue of struggle for me since North Carolina amended the State Constitution to define marriage as being between one man and one woman.  Not because I am gay, but because I don’t want to live in a place where bigotry and discrimination are actually written into law.  This struggle was intensified when our Governor began slashing unemployment (in both width and breadth), refusing to expand medicaid, and slashing education.  My home state can no longer be considered one that values it’s people, and my household represents a lot of people, right?

But.  High School.  I have one senior, and one starting Early College High School.  And then they just start graduating once every year or two, and I know from my experience with my oldest than a high school education, once interrupted by an inter-state move, inevitably results in graduation delays.  So.

Five years.  That’s when I can leave.  And if I don’t make that window, then in 2024, it will open again and remain open.  I have an answer.  It’s not one I am overjoyed with, but I am patient and determined.  And it is at least an answer.

Where am I going, you ask?  I don’t know yet, exactly.  But North.  I never expected to hear that come from my mouth.  But things change.  Lives change.  People change.  Sometimes they decide to be fearless because they also have a knack for being methodical and are tired of asking “what if?” and saying, “I wish I could.”