So this is my agenda for the day. A child’s book, 84 pages. I like these Holling C. Holling books, because I learn so much reading them. I used them when I homeschooled the children in the early grades to teach subjects like science, history, and geography. But reading them aloud is not the same as reading them for myself. Today I have learned about the vast amount of things in the bottom of the Mississippi, and also that pearl buttons come from clam shells. And that turtle eggs take 100 days to hatch. And I have remembered my last camping trip, and how the kids saw a box turtle sitting in the trail, and I told them just to watch, but not bother her, because she was laying eggs. And how we watched a baby alligator swimming for over an hour. And how I cooked hot dogs in the rain. I’m on page 56.
I had also planned to read Self-Reliance today. And finish The Law of Attraction. But, the internet has been distracting. And text messages have made me smile. Repeatedly. Soon it will be time to cook. And then later tonight, I am putting my head together with a friend to plan my next adventure.
The internet, distracting. I have a love/hate relationship with it. I cannot deny that it is a massive time sink in my life. But I also cannot deny that the advent of such technology has enabled me to pull my circle of friends from far flung places and then keep up with them, almost in real time.
Which thought path led, this morning, to thoughts about laziness, and how invalid I now find the concept of not putting forth effort in interpersonal relationships. And how angry it makes me when people don’t. And then the side of me that doesn’t like to sit in anger had to remind angry me that maybe people who don’t put forth effort just don’t desire the depth of relationship that I desire. Maybe they would rather have easy than real. Maybe they are getting the quality of relationships they want, and I can’t judge them for wanting things to be more superficial. But I can say I think they are often settling, and settling is a miserable way to live a life. You only get one, so don’t settle. Work for what you want: in relationships, in calling, in art– in all you do, work for what you want. Do not let complacency, laziness or cowardice steal from you your one precious life.
I live a life of rabbit trails. I suck the marrow from the bone. I follow my bliss. All those cliches. But the thing is, living like this makes the joy rise up out of me and spill over. And in truth, I fail. I fail often, and I fail hard. But I don’t judge myself for that. I judge myself for the times I hold back effort. I judge myself if I have to ask “what if?” The last thing I want on my death bed is a lingering discourse with myself about what might have been if I had just tried.