This is my fattest cat, in the tree I reduced to two levels instead of three so both of them could jump their lard asses up on it without knocking it over. I’m pleased to see it worked.
This is something I said yesterday: “I think men don’t get how dangerous it can be to walk away from a woman who can do that. When they turn around, the space is gone, and it’s totally gone because it’s all full of the woman, not somethings she can put down to pick you up again.”
For context, “that” refers to filling the void left by an ended/radically changed relationship with more of me instead of other things/people. And it is interesting that this was a point of conversation at 7:30 in the morning, because 14 hours later I was presented with an opportunity to grow myself again. I wonder what I will get up to this time?
Now this sounds really strong and lovely and proactive, but there are a few drawbacks. Learning to meet my own needs and expanding into myself means that each time there is an ending, the bar gets raised for the next guy. Like, I started after my divorce with a list of stuff I wouldn’t accept, yeah? So, I was positioned to only date men who added to my life. Which I have done. And I learned things from all of those relationships that I then expanded on between relationships. Essentially, the bar got raised every time, because a new guy had to be able to meet a need I couldn’t meet for myself, and I have learned to meet more and more of them. At this point, I’m pretty much down to pillow talk and conversation over morning coffee, new restaurants and museums, books and television shows. Wait, I can find three of those last four on my own. Damn, see what I mean?
I guess the point is the same as a man can’t step into the same river twice. He’s not the same man and it’s not the same river.