Usually, I have a title in mind before I start typing a post. Not that I have been doing a lot of typing lately, but whatever. Today is different. Today, I have tried several titles and none of them actually fit. I’ll have to see where things go.
Six years ago, I was a stay-at-home mom with a house full of kids that I home-schooled. Then there was the divorce and going back to work. And then back to school. And a graduation. And a 433 mile move with four of my children. And grad school. And another graduation. And then a job. And if you thought all that happened at break-neck speed, let’s talk about the last two weeks.
A re-connection in my personal life. A falling away in my personal life. The surprise loss of my job. Weekend guests for Thanksgiving. Interview on Monday, second interview and firm offer on Tuesday. (I sent out 11 applications on Wednesday and Friday of last week and I’ve turned down three interview invitations since the offer came, because the employers were unable to give short lead time start dates.) Personal life craziness on Wednesday. And yesterday, I allowed myself to just BE. Which brings us to this morning.
My new job requires me to be at work from 5a to 5p Monday/Wednesday/Friday. Now, I need to keep that schedule even on off days, because who the hell even wants to try to get up at 3:30 three days a week and some “normal” time the other four? I don’t think I could do that and maintain the mental focus and clarity I am going to need on work days. It’s a horrendous schedule. And it is also beautiful, because here’s what I am looking at: several open periods per week that were filled just two weeks ago. Plus 2 days off per week, each of which will include nine hours when I am practically or actually alone in my empty house. Plus weekends, which will include about 5 hours of practically alone per day. And no standing commitments except for my job.
There just went every excuse I have for not doing all the things I say I want and need to do but don’t get around to: reading, writing, exercising, eating clean, cooking, cleaning, knitting, making art, meditating. Every excuse. Because I will have the time. Alone in my house. To do all the things. Whoa. I have never, in my entire life, had so much time to myself.
This is exhilarating. And it’s also a little bit scary. Because the excuses are gone. Put up or shut up. Do or do not, there is no try.
I just got handed, through a series of reasonably distressing events, my dream life.
Mazal tov!!! 🙂
I am reminded of this story….. the remembrance of it has help me nurture a state of equanimity and grace in both good and bad times.
One day the horse of an old farmer ran away.
Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit.
â€œSuch bad luck,â€ they said sympathetically.
â€œMaybeâ€ the farmer replied.
The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses.
â€œHow wonderful,â€ the neighbors exclaimed.
â€œMaybeâ€ replied the old man.
The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg.
The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune.
â€œMaybeâ€ answered the farmer.
The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army.
Seeing that the sonâ€™s leg was broken, they passed him by.
The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out.
â€œMaybeâ€ said the farmer.
One of my favorite lessons.