Haha on me! I neglected to glance at my calendar this week. How crazy is that? In my defense, I took horribly sick on Sunday, and it has been a battle since then to get motivated to do anything but sit and stitch. So, I am behind just a bit already. I did use the list I generated yesterday to write some more stuff in there, though, and the more I look at the calendar the more I like the way it is laid out. I’m thinking it will be very useful in helping me to become more organized. Oh, I guess I should tell you what it is, hmm? Here, it’s this one. Hehe, too bad I no longer have any paper pictures to put in the front of it. There’s just something whacked about a mother of 8 carrying around a picture of someone else’s baby on her planner, yk? Whacked I say. Like a doctor carrying around toy medical supplies, I say.

D is a very important letter. Just think about it. Without D, we’d all be going to the octor an all our advice would be a vice. An also, we’d be really confused about what we’re really talking about in lots of other ways. Such as the difference between a tree and car spoiler. See, if you hover over that link, you can see it goes to w-o-o-d-d-a-s-h-e-x-p-e-r-t-s. See the 2 d’s there? Well, when I first saw it, I read it as w-o-o-d-a-s-h-e-x-p-e-r-t-s, and I could not figure out what in the world trees had to do with car parts. I got an even bigger laugh when I typed woodash.com into my address bar. Apparently trees and cars are very closely related indeed. You do it and see if you chuckle, too.

Ok, so we all know that I work my blogs. I try to bring you interesting and relevant content on a reasonably consistent basis, and I feel like I do that with some measure of success since you are here, reading it and all. I mean, it’s a great big internet and you could, in theory, be anywhere, still in your pjs in the recliner in your living room. Yet, you come here. And I appreciate that. It’s kind of humbling actually. And amazing, really. In fact, when I told my cousins at Grandmother’s wake that I was a professional blogger, that I actually got paid to write stuff, and that people actually came here to read what I had to say, they were all amazed. HA!

Anyway, now that I have made you grin (I hope), let’s move on. Some things are just easier to talk about that others, yk? I can discuss pretty dishes, and I can talk about resolutions, and I can tie all that into my life, in a more or less satisfactory manner. But then I get dealt a link like flat garden hose, and I’m left shaking my head and asking “what were they thinking”? See, the folks who asked me to place this link live here in North Carolina. They know that we are in the midst of a drought. We are, in fact, over 20 inches under for rainfall. The only possible use I can think of for a flat garden hose is a wall decoration, because I am certainly not going to use it to water anything. We’re having a drought. A serious drought.

So, let’s brainstorm possible uses of flat garden hoses that do not include water. I’ll go first. We could use it as a photo prop with a seed packet, for an oddly flat composition. We could re-gift it to someone in Arizona, because they have more water than we do. We could ….. your turn. Use the comments to tell me what you can do with a flat hose.

I forgot to tell ya’ll the rest of my Friday. It sorta got eclipsed by the eye thing in my mind. I had told dh to go ahead and get the pedestal sink we needed for the small bathroom, and so I knew he would already be going to the store. I had decided to do some cleaning—- —- getUP off the floor, and quit that shrieking! What’s wrong with you!?!? Why are you acting this way?????—– —– whatever, I was cleaning by vacuuming — STOP IT —- and sparks started coming out of the vacuum, accompanied by the odor of roasting ….something. I called him to to pick up a new one, but he forgot, and then we had the eye thing, and I still don’t have a vacuum because I spent all the disposable income on my eyes. I’m worth it. I guess.

Now, some people might think that this is just a vast conspiracy to avoid the vacuuming, but I can assure you that the one thing I detest is a crusty floor, and no collaboration software was involved in this series of events, even software with a 30 day free trial. I’m innocent. Innocent, I say. Nonetheless, there will be no vacuuming around here until at least Friday, and possibly longer. Because this little trip to the eye doctor took more than the vacuum money, and honey, I gotta go to Vegas in 2 weeks!

I was looking at some ladies today, ladies who were purportedly with child. And I said to myself, “no way are these gals pregnant!” I mean, look at this one, with her pretty face, and huge belly. You know if she were really pregnant, her face and hands would be swollen, right? At least mine would be. It seems like my face swells the day I conceive, and stays that way until the baby is 10 months old. (Then I lose 29 pounds, and we start the process all over again, but hey, I digress.– You knew I would digress, right? ~I should totally be on the first page of Google for “digress”~. Anyway.–Where was I?) Oh yes, pretty ladies, wearing Olian maternity clothes, big bellied and normal faced.

And also, quit looking at me that way. Frealz. Just stop.

So, I had pretty much made up my mind that all of them were wearing belly pillows, like the kind they used to have in maternity shops back when they sold such stuff in brick and mortar stores, which has been a very long time, but let’s stop right there, before I digress again. Okay. Then I saw this picture. See her belly?? Can you see the timer? You may have to click over to the big picture to see it, but that turkey in the oven is just about done. And I know this, because my babies also come with this same pop-out timer, and when that timer pops, we have about three weeks to go. More or less. And that’s how I knew that this one was really pregnant when the picture was made. Timer’s don’t lie.

Ok, this is too crazy. I just hit publish on my insomnia post, and reached down to scratch my arm while I was thinking about what to do with “shower faucets“. And saw that I was wearing the same shirt I wore yesterday. Which is not that unusual, except that I haven’t gotten dressed yet, because I am staying in to work today. Which means that I never finished changing into my pajamas last night, but climbed into bed anyway. I knew I was tired, but I didn’t think I was quite that tired.

Do you get exactly what you ask for? And then when you get it, it just makes your mind spin? That happened to me today. Again. It’s been happening frequently, in fact. I may have to quit asking for stuff if this keeps up. NOT!!!!!!!!!

The good news is……..it was all good stuff.

Okay, I admit that I have a strange sense of humor, I’m not ashamed of it, it’s just the way I am, and some things are just funny. Some things, though, are funny because of the associations I make in my mind, and not from any innate funniness of their own. For instance, when I hear “Bush furniture“, my mind goes directly to “I wonder what Laura changed in the White House?” and I begin to laugh at what I thought, not what was said.

Surely you can see how this type of thing could cause me some trouble, right? Yeah, I get some strange looks. Today, I am turning the table.

Why #7: Why don’t you start giggling when I say Bush furniture?

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