Midlife Musings

That’s right. 148. Doesn’t that sound wonderful? And in addition to that, I noticed a little hourglass thing going on when I looked at the back view pic of my sweater. That’s just ….. amazing to me. Amazing enough that I got out and walked this evening with 407% humidity and a temp of over 85.

I slept in this morning, dh and I both. How is it that the sleep you get after you know you really ought to get up is the best sleep of the night? Is it because you are not really and truly asleep and so you can actually feel and appreciate the deliciousness of not having to deal with the grind that life sometimes becomes? For me, the early morning is delicious because it is cool and I need to cover up, and I like the feeling of the covers on me, or of being slightly chilled and knowing I could cover up if I chose to do so. And drifting in and out, smiling.

The weekend is shaping up to be busy. Or rather, Saturday morning is busy, and we’ll see what happens from there. I plan to spend as much time as possible reading or stitching. And maybe napping, even though it won’t be cool enough for covers.

I have a headache. Seriously, I feel like my eyes are about to pop right out from the pressure! I know it’s just sinus/allergy related, and it has just started raining, so I hope to get some relief shortly. It’s been a long time since I had to muddle thorough a whole day with a headache, and let me tell ya–it is NOT fun. It’s probably not much fun for the folks around me either, but if someone was poking their eyeball with a fork, they’d be testy too. Just sayin’

So, why am I posting here about my headache? Didn’t I tell ya’ll I wasn’t going to post unless I had something to say? Cause. Yes. I am posting here about my headache because I am trying desperately to get back into the blogging groove. And the thing I have to say is this: Someone looked me dead in the eye about 10 days ago and told me it would take a year for me to get over the past six months. I really, really hope he wasn’t right about that.

You know, I’ve heard it said that there is a sucker born every minute. Ol’ P.T. Barnum meant that in a negative way, but I am pretty sure there is a positive correlary; there is a smart and driven person born every minute. Maybe even two, if you count the minute I was born

What spurred all this? Well, I was visiting LaDonna’s 101 in 1001 and she did something that I have never seen before. She started over. She just scratched it and made a new list. And her new list is a good list. (I tried to leave you a comment, and your theme spat at me). It’s full of things that she wants to learn and do, and items that are not dependent on others for completion.

And then I visited Web Hosting Geeks and saw the web hosting reviews, and I thought–yk, someone took the time to research that stuff and then they put it out there. No one is born knowing all about web hosting. You have to research that kinda stuff. You have to invest your time and your energy, and I bet when they started, they didn’t know what the outcome of he site would even be, But there they are, and it seems to be a pretty popular site, and wow. If I ever need a new web host, I’ll remember these guys, and more than likely click through one of their reviews. They’ll get a little commission, and it will be because of the investment of time and energy they made earlier.

I’m worth that, too. I am worth investing my time and energy in, and in more than a haphazard way. Now, I haven’t looked at my 101 list in months. I know that it has been at least 7, because one of the first items on it had to do with Grandmother, and I just….haven’t been able to look back through it. And one had to do with my Dad, whose been working on night shift and shut down and there’s nothing *I* can do about that. There were items that depended on having money, and I don’t always have that. And then there is the simple fact that I didn’t set aside time to do it. But I think maybe I’m going to join LaDonna and just have myself a little do-over. Item number 1 of 101 can be “acknowledge that I am worth my own time and energy”.

Well, boys and girls, it’s time to start thinking about September. See, in September, I am going on a trip. I am going to Orlando to hang with people I like and try to avoid people I don’t, and right now, I am not quite sure how many of each there will be, but I am sure that the wonderfulness of being with those I do will outweigh the stress of seeing those I don’t. How’s that for a round about thing??

Anyway, the big decision is how to get there. I was going to ride wih a friend, but now I am not sure if she’s still planning to drive, so I am looking at flights and comparing them to car rental. I’ll have to calculate the cost of gasoline into the occasion, but that may be a possibility.

Advantage is offering up to a 50% discount on luxury and convertible car rentals. I’ve always wanted to drive a red convertible. Too bad that I would look like Broom Hilda before I hit the highway. Unless I wore a head scarf, which is an idea, but somehow doesn’t sound quite as fun and freewheeling. They have other car rental discounts, too. Too bad I’m not in Florida his very minute wanting to get to Ang. I could do that for a buck a day!

So, then, just in the middle of my frenzied research on cholesterol and how to lower it and all that, my connection dropped. Kaput. Gone. No internets. Boooooooooooo! So I called tech support, and the lady took me through some things, and she decided I needed a new modem. She said it would be here in three days, and I said that was unacceptable, and she promised to overnight it instead, and I was unhappy, but I though I could deal with 24 hours off-line.

But on Thursday, guess what came? That’s right: NOTHING. So I called the competitor, who I;d been considering switching to anyway, and they made me a pretty nice offer, and said they’d have an installer out Friday. And they did, and life was good. I got back on line just in time to go camping, which picture you saw.

And then on Monday, my cousin and I were finalizing plans via email for a face to face midway between her place and mine for Sunday when she wrote, “and Grandma is in the hospital”. Well, it didn’t look real good about Grandma, we knew she would not be recovering, and we emailed through the week, and I was a bit distracted, and that is what was going on in that mostly silent week between the SPS’s. Check email, switch the laundry, check email, fix food, eat, check email. On Friday, we postponed our face-to-face, knowing that our aunt who was to join us would not want to leave her mother.

Saturday, I spent with Mama, and we had a good time, as we always do. We shopped like lunatics, and I bought more crack shoes. Behold the gloriousness of high heel platform wing tip mary janes:

And then I came home, and compulsively checked my email for a few hours. And Sunday, there was church, and a trip to Granny’s to give her some pictures, and more compulsive email checking. My cousin called early this morning, and Grandma died last night. We will be having a face to face this week after all, because she will be buried tomorrow, beside Papa, who was buried just 8 short weeks ago. It’s been a rough year for grandparents, ya know?

My emotions are so mixed here. I have never been close to Grandma, for a variety of reasons that are really no longer here nor there. There are lessons learned as there always are. And in this case more than any of the others, there are the lingering “what ifs”. There is a hurt and confused little girl in here, trying to make peace with a past that even the grownup me doesn’t understand.

I guess that just about catches us up, now, doesn’t it?

So, the last actual and real talk-about-me post was the one I made after my mammogram. What I failed to mention that day was that I also had blood drawn for a bunch of standard tests that they do to ladies-who-are-becoming-old. Haha, let me tell you something, 40 is young. Very, very young, and also, you are finally smart enough to know that! But back to the blood work, I didn’t mention it, because I figured it was a non-issue. After all, I am watching what I eat, I’ve been exercising a little bit, and life ought to be cruising right along. Right? Wrong.

They called me on Wednesday to let me know that I have high cholesterol. It was 215, which is not real far over the line, but my ldl was 129. Stop eating fried and fatty foods the man says. Exercise the man says. Umm, I’m not eating fried and fatty foods, and I have been exercising, so….. now what? Come back in four months for a recheck. Ummmmkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. Well.

So. I had a little meltdown. A minor freakout. Because I was already limiting my food choices to try to adhere to the food pyramid and get the rest of this weight lost, and now I am even more limited, because I have to avoid saturated fats and dietary cholesterol, and WHOA, just when I thought I had a grip on the food thing, BAM! Haha, joke’s on me.

And the foods I have to avoid are not necessarily the ones you would think! For instance, when it comes to cutting saturated fat and cholesterol, bacon grease is a better choice than butter. Yeah, that shocked me, too. Nuts are a better choice than beef. But chicken and fish are pretty much awesome, and you can even have fried chicken IF you choose canola oil for your frying. Microwave popcorn is a no-no, but you can pop your own on the stove using olive or canola oil (or bacon grease ), and then season it to taste with any spice you like. Bonus point: if you burn it, you don’t have to evacuate the premises and risk being drummed out of the family. And you can still eat whatever doesn’t stick.

The upshot of all that is that I am tracking food as outlined on the food pyramid, except I have a whole huge chart thing that includes the calories, the saturated fat and the cholesterol. Yep, it now takes almost as much time to chart my food as it does to eat it. Yay me.

And that was June 11th.