This is an interesting picture of me, huh? All my lighting fixtures were off and I was just sitting in the glow of my laptop screen. I’m taking a mental health day today. I have some posts I need to write, and I have some jobs I need to do, and a schedule I need to make and I just woke up feeling like I wanted to stay in bed. Bleh. As son as I started writing, though, I felt better. Note to self: if you are a writer, you must write. Maybe even sometimes when you think you don’t feel like it.

Tina posted an article this week that really struck home with me. Like her, I have some big issues going on right now, and while I tend to be pretty open and honest on this blog, somethings I am just not ready to put out there. I probably will be able to later, once the lessons are learned and I have some sort of closure, but right now, I am still in that phase I described a few weeks ago, where the images are flashing through my mind and no words can get out. At least not words fit for public consumption.

I’ve actually been thinking about doing some journaling during this blogging dry season. It just seems weird to go back to pen and ink when the internet has been my medium for so long now. But I know that I definitely don’t like the places I go when I keep the stories in, so something has to give. Anyone know how to get digital images into a paper journal? Hahaha, I slay me!

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As you can see from the smile, I might almost be back. Well, back as a relative term; I know I have a long way to go before I am anywhere near normal. As an aside, That One said to me today, “You are in a depression, I don’t know if you realize that or not.” Umm, yeah, sweetie, I do. And clearly the man does not read the blog, now does he?

Anyway, back to that smile. Sometimes the weight of having to make a decision is heavier than the decision itself. And make a decision is exactly what I have done today. It was like giving Phenphedrine to th large mental suitcase of troubling issues that I carry around. I’ve asked my most trusted advisers, the folks I refer to collectively as the triumvirate and they all agree with me, so…decision made, smile back in place. They always agree, so in truth, I could get away with asking just one of them any given thing, but I like to hear their individual reasonings. Nope, not announcing the decision. Sorry. I will be evident soon enough.

So, what did I do today? Worked more on the whole house purge. Moved mountains of laundry. And pulled grass and weeds from one of my flowerbeds. Watched rain coming down sideways. Yep, sideways.

The sound of my own silence deafens me and all I hear is the roar of the vacuum my voice used to fill.

Yep. someone touched the lens, but this was the best of the lot. I really need to look at the instruction book and figure this camera out!

This has been an interesting week. And I don’t necessarily mean that in a good way. I’ve been watching a couple of my friends struggle with issues for which I have no answers. The one I truly have no advice for, and the other just wants time and space to settle things within themselves. It’s hard for me to just stand by and wait, I want to *do something*, because I do not like seeing those I care about hurt.

I did do some other things, though. My answer to big stress is hard work, so I mowed my yard and pulled out the matted grass tufts and planted flowers Friday night. The stargazer lilies we planted last week are blooming now. Aren’t they lovely?

I guess it’s time to go mow the backyard now, cause you know what today brought, right? Yep, more stress. Nothing like coming to see your ex walking out of your bedroom. Whattheheck, yk? And then there’s that other situation, the one that requires the waiting I hate. Yep, definitely time for yard work.

New this week:
a sliding board covered in the big “band-aids” most people call panty liners
feeling like a tuning fork on the inside
smiling
not being what I am called
not worrying about the latest, greatest weight loss pills
giggling
watching beauty rise from ashes
swinging high, so high I leave the seat at the apex
laughing

That’s my week in words and a picture. How about you?

This smile is due to reconnecting with an old friend. Welcome back, glad you came by.