The Girl is Tired Today

TwoFer SPS 2/19/2012

All dolled up with somewhere to go!

Had a great time last night listening (and dancing to) Blackwater. But I seriously need to figure out how to cut the flash glare on my pale, pale face!

I’m so very glad that my hair does not get heavier as it gets bigger. I’ve since seen pics of myself later in the evening. My hair got huge– herniated disc surgery coulda been an option there.

Day Late SPS and What Kind of Snake is That?

Sorry, Tina, I forgot. Here I am on Saturday evening, ready to go. I had an amazing time.

Sorry for the glare, the flash was fierce, and I was needing to get out the door!

So, I am enjoying the creative non-fiction class I am taking. But I am writing about a lot of the stuff I used to blog about. I reckon this lastest piece can do double duty, just like the Crazy Shit piece. In this exercise, we had to think of something we were optimistic or hopeful about and something we were pessimistic or fearful about. Then we had to use fear to transition between the two. I used the opportunity to expand on a recent facebook status.

What kind of Snake is That?

I’ve been living alone now for 3 years, just me and six of my children. I have been trying to spend time with them and encourage them. I have been trying to go to school and make good grades. I have had my head down and my hands on the plow— so to speak. I have been busy doing what needs to be done and thinking really hard about all the things that happened to get me here. I’ve got that part pretty much figured out, so the next burning question is where do I want to go from here.

I’d like to have a pulled together house, a pulled together me, and just enough romance in my life to keep a smile on my face, but not enough to distract me from current goals of being a good student and mother. I’d like to feel competent and capable and get up each morning ready to go after the day, chase it down and make it mine.

But here I sit, not quite so fresh as a daisy, wondering how that’s all going to work. So far, it’s not going exactly well. I get up and start running, but it feels like I just fall further behind. The laundry and the bills and the responsibilities keep piling up, while my resource supply stays constant. I still have just 24 hours a day, and my budget is nowhere near balanced. The kids always seem to need a new thus-and-such, or extra help with their homework. My professors keep assigning papers and giving exams, and I am beginning to feel like the sword juggler at the circus. I dare not drop one, because I wouldn’t be able to get out of the way before it impaled me, but my arms are getting really tired. Really, really tired.

As for the romance part, that’s even more doubtful. The competition is stiff. There are lots of prettier girls, richer girls, girls with fewer responsibilities and less baggage. Fewer responsibilities and less baggage translate directly into more time. How do you find time to whisper sweet nothings when it’s hard to wipe your own ass without a constant barrage of knocks on the bathroom door? More importantly, how do you relax with and enjoy a man when you are constantly watching him to see if he’s too much like the ones that messed you up so bad you ended up single with six kids at home in the first place? How do you laugh with and invest in someone when you are trying to figure out if the snake in their pants is also the snake in the grass?

Sitting here being afraid isn’t changing anything, and if I don’t start moving in the direction I want to end up, I will stay right here. My children will grow up and leave home, and I will finish school. Then I will have crazy amounts of time on my hands, and I don’t want to spend all that time alone. After I shovel out the house and file my last term paper, I’ll be wishing I had someone to whisper to in the dark.

Accordingly, I’ve written myself a new version of the serenity prayer, at least in regards to men:
“Dear God, please grant me the serenity to know my own mind, the courage to be curious instead of scared, and the wisdom to appreciate beauty wherever I find it.”

This is my choice. I’m ready. Bring it.

SPS 2.5.2012

So, two weeks in a row, woohoo! I like this picture on artistic merit. It’s a great image of how I usually feel: partly shadowed, partly over-exposed. There’s a whole freaking essay in that statement, but I am not going to write it today. Instead, I am cleaning my house and doing homework. Yay for busy.

Self Portrait Sunday 1/29/2012

Because I’ve missed it, and because it was a great tradition, and because Tina reminded me about it, I’m bringing back Self Portrait Sunday.

Here I am getting ready to go out on Friday night with my mom. We went to Chadbourn to hear Tommy Simmons and Friends play. I’d link you if I could find them on the internet, but I can’t. They are an awesome little bluegrass band from right here in Bittyburg. After we closed that place down, we came back home, flew right past our exit and went to The Rusty Nail. We closed them down, too. It was a great night, and I’m thinking we’ll be doing that again.

Beats staying at home and googling a.o. smith motors or cleaning. Which is what I should be doing now instead of running my mouth. Er, fingers. Whatever.

So, you know the drill, folks, Snap it, post it, link it.

SPS 7/11/2010

Me on my first “Artist’s Date”.

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I had such a good time. I took me shopping and bought organizer bins for the cubbies in my room, a storage ottoman for my room, 6 count them SIX books, a ball of ridiculous yarn suitable only for making That One a hat, a vanity box and some hair bobs. And ice cream for dinner!!!

I went places I don’t normally go, Target and Mayfaire. Those aren’t steel buildings behind me, as you can see, but the nice facade of some fancy pants store. Mayfaire is a neat, neat place. Lots of specialty shops, a huge theater and apartments above all the stores. If I were single and as young as I look in this picture, I could so see me living there. Oh yeah, and rich. Mayfaire is spendy, people.

So tell me, how have you been good to yourself lately?

June 23-27 Mostly About People

This set of pictures is a little different from most I publish. Usually I show you pictures of things, and not very many faces. This time, it’s the opposite. Lots of faces I love and only one thing. Well, two, but one of them has my face under it.

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June 23 Stuntman just because we were sitting and chatting.

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June 24 Diva on her birthday

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June 25 Lots of Books Somebody has a lot of reviews to write, and that someone is me. I pulled them all out to work on and stacked them ever so neatly on the bed. And then I didn’t get to them. When bedtime rolled around, I had to move them to the floor. Since that time, I have managed to review a couple of them, but I still have quite a stack. No, this is NOT the time for ya’ll to start sending subliminal “sell books” messages. Aint gonna happen.

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June 26 New Hat That One picked this up for me on his travels this week. It makes a nice driving hat. On the way up to to Polkton, it kept my frizzed out hair out of my face, and on the way back, it preserved my small and curly hair from being blown about. I never realized a hat could actually protect your hair as well as hide it. Yay for hats!

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June 27 Baby You’ve seen this one before, but it’s worth a repeat.

Holy Crap! Will you look at that?

This, ladies and gentlemen, is a Whi-Fro. There can be no other word for it. And it is how my hair looked at approximately 7pm on Friday, June 25th.


Go ahead! I DARE you to show me your worst hair.