57/365/2015 Hope SPRINGs Eternal

Feb26

Ok, I’m off. I’ve been off for several weeks. I’ve been off since the winter storms and weekly kiddo dental appointments started disrupting my routines. I miss going to work for a full day on a regular basis. I feel out of touch with my people. I mean, when I’m there, it’s good, and I have technically only missed 2 days. But dang. First there was winter break. Then two days of court as a witness (excused for civic duty). Then the snow started flying and the dental appointments began. And today, that culminated in trading my Spring Break for listening to my children bicker with one another on yet another snow day. I’d hoped to trade that break for time with my older kids when they visit in April…and when my younger kids are also on spring break.

I’m behind on my homework. No, I mean behinder than I have ever been in my life, and I just don’t give a hoot. I better start giving a hoot, I have two assignments due on Monday.

And finally, I miss being outside. I now walk from the apartment to the van to the train station or into work. And back. I also walk from the train station to school and back on Mondays. But I don’t think it counts if I am huddled into a heavy coat and cursing the wind. Yeah, pretty much sure that doesn’t count. I want to sit on the balcony and read a book while sipping iced tea.

And I know some of you will say that this is because I live in Maryland now, and it’s colder, for longer. But I got this way in North Carolina, too. It starts with the time change in the fall and it builds and builds and builds until the time changes back to “normal” in the Spring(ish. Depending you know). By the end of February, every year, I am over life in general and ready to start slugging people. Thank God, I can flip the clock this weekend. It’ll take me a week to adjust, but then….I’ll be golden until next November. It is this weekend, right? Right?!?

So, today my daughter was going out and I asked her to bring me this planter thing I saw last night and passed up. Because Spring will come as surely as Winter now embraces us. I have no idea what I am going to put in there, but it was 50% off at Rite-Aid, and I wanted it and now I have it, for just 7.94, tax included. There are four pots total, you can’t see one of them in the pic. I think… I think since I have potting soil here already, and some tea leaves to put in the bottoms, I’m going to put aside this paper I am not writing anyway and put my fingers in some dirt. And if I get done with that, and still have soil, I may go pick up another set of these pots. But not this afternoon, because kids home because snow. Maybe tonight.

P.S. The dresses I bought yesterday are too small. I will try to exchange them when I am back there next Wednesday. That is yet another reason I want to get outside–I need to walk to get rid of some of this chubbery blubbery me. In fact, I would like to get rid of about 20 pounds of me. And bucket loads of stress and undifferentiated anxiety. I need to walk it away. I can’t do that sitting inside drinking chai latte, no matter how good that chai latte may be.

I could meditate the stress and anxiety away, if not the weight, but have you ever tried to do that with kids around? Hahahahhahhahaa, yeah, that’s the sound of my maniacal laughter.

56/365/2015 Making Choices

Feb25

Today I paid off two interest charging lines of credit. To celebrate, I paid cash for these two dresses. Because financial prudence isn’t all about deprivation.

Bonus: they’ll look good with combat boots OR dress shoes.

16/365/2014 The Shopping Fu Was Strong

Jan16

My cousin and I have had dates most weeks since I have moved to Maryland. We’d been doing that on Sundays, and over the past 6 weeks or so, Sundays have evolved into more of a family day where we all hang out together, enjoy a meal, and play some games. Which is great, and we all enjoy that. But she and I were beginning to miss having time just for ourselves. Since my new schedule leaves me free on Friday, we chatted early this week and decided that every other Friday would be our date day, and we’ll just continue Sundays as full-family. We went out today and did the thing we love to do: shop.

Now you need to know that we do not love to shop just any place. We love to shop in the thrift store and we love to shop in the grocery store All other shopping is more like a chore than fun. And you also need to know that when we shop together, we literally shop together, with each of us having one eye open for ourselves and the other open for the cousin. Today was a particularly good shopping day. The fu was strong. I’ll leave it for her to tell you what she scored, but these items were my major haul. That’s a leather Giani Bernini bag, and I gave $5.50 for it. It just needs some leather butter. And a very warm leather jacket for which I gave $11.50. It just needs dry cleaning. Have I mentioned that Friday is 50% off clothing day at the Salvation Army Thrift Store? Oh yeah. It is.

Underneath those goodies…well that, my lovelies is a double breasted men’s cashmere coat. It’s ankle length on me, scrumptiously soft, and fits me like a dream, except for the sleeves. No problem. At $40 for a freaking full-length cashmere coat, I will pay for the alteration.

After all that excitement, we went to Mecca. I mean Wegman’s. I bought ingredients–actual raw meat and fresh produce to turn into food. And I bought some spices. And I bought teas. And I bought good bread. And we talked and talked and talked. This has been a wonderful day.

Tomorrow, there will be slicing, dicing, and sauteing. I am planning a lovely beef stew with mushrooms, leeks, shallots, and garlic over spaetzle. I’ll serve roasted Brussels sprouts with that and sourdough rolls. It will be delicious. There will also be some pouring over cookbooks, looking for recipes that I think will convert to crock-pot use. I am tired of eating crappy food because I don’t have time to cook when I get home. My energy levels are down and I just don’t feel as good as I should, and I know it’s because I’m not fueling my body correctly. I also got easy, nutritious, grab-and-go foods for breakfast and lunch, because woman does not live by dinner alone. Not even when it includes sour dough bread.

Speaking of which, I need to get my starter going.

12/365/2015 Move Over, Paula Deen. We’re Done.

Jan12

12 to 18 months ago (I think, it might have been longer), I bought myself a set of red Paula Deen pots and pans. Because I love red in the kitchen and I thought PD would be a good pan. Let me tell you from experience, Paula Deen is some expensive cheap-ass junk. The pans warped; they aren’t supposed to go in the dishwasher; the teflon scratches if you look at it; AND the final straw occurred a couple weeks ago: I picked up a pan I had boiled pasta in, BY THE HANDLE, and got a blistering burn on my finger. Hell to the no. I replaced those dishes today with this set. I’m sending the three usable pieces of PD to Goodwill, and moving on. I am a cook. I will have good tools in my kitchen. These new ones have a nice thick bottom for even, no-warp heating. They aren’t teflon coated, but ceramic. They are RED. They are dishwasher and oven safe. And they cost less than I paid for the PD. They will be in the dishwasher this evening, and ready for use tomorrow. (I’ll keep the one pot we make tea in. Everybody needs a thin, cheap pot to make iced tea by the gallon in.)

In less fiery news, I was talking about love on the facebooks this morning, commenting on a link a friend shared. I like what I had to say so much that I am repeating it here:

I like choosing to love, because then I can continue to have a loving heart toward someone whatever happens. In the past, I found that If I accidentally fall in love, I can just accidentally fall out of it, too.

If I want to love someone, I choose to act lovingly towards them. In my case, feeling follows action. Infatuation, lust….those are different matters.

Since I have understood and applied this concept, ALL of my relationships have been successful, whereas before none of them were.

Now we have to look at how to define success. I choose to define it as a relationship that gives me positive feelings and personal growth both of which I retain in the case of the relationship itself ebbing. Am I a bigger, better person? If yes, then that was/is a successful relationship.

P.S. Does not only apply in romantic relationships.

Now for the bad news. I took three kids to the dentist today. One needs to see an oral surgeon AND an orthodontist. One needs an extraction and three fillings. The other just needs three fillings. I reckon the next time I tell them they need to brush their teeth, they still won’t listen. Because I’m only Mom. Sigh.

Intimidated

Jan2

Sigh. So, I said I wanted to “make the arts” this year. And I have the stuff. As you can see, there is no shortage of sketchbooks or pencils here. Let alone all the stuff I showed you already that’s not even in this picture. And yet. I cannot seem to pick up the damn pencil and put it on the page. I do not know why. Art making is actually a “flow activity” for me. I had no problem at all drawing and painting when I was told to do so by my instructor for the Art Therapy class. I have no problem doodling during lectures. In ink, mind you. But to do it at home for my own pleasure? Too intimidating, by far.

So, I have ordered myself one more Christmas present, with two-day shipping: . Yes, Amazon now delivers on Sunday, peeps. Now, I happen to have this book here from the library already. I haven’t used it because I had to wait until Christmas when I gave myself the art materials. And now it is past due. Ahem. I reckon it can stay past due until my copy gets here, right?

I’m just puzzled at my own behavior here. I mean. I can draw, somewhat. Well enough that people recognize what I am trying to convey, at any rate. And drawing is something I have wanted to get back to since I left it in 6th grade. I have read about techniques in several books over the past few months. I have an intellectual grasp of how to go about creating a picture. I understand that my skills are not going to improve unless I start actually making marks on the page. But here I sit waiting for someone to tell me what to draw. I don’t even know why. And to add to that, I have sketch kits here. With instructions, and outlined shapes. That I have had for YEARS. I robbed the pencils out of one of them to supplement what came in this tin, but I have yet to make a mark on any of those, either. So what, exactly, is my hold-up? Why is a pencil, which I use every day of my life, giving me this much anxiety? Apparently, I am just scared of my own self here. Because I refuse to admit that I might be afraid of a pencil. That’s just crazy talk. Who’s afraid of a pencil?

Who’s afraid to do what they want to do and get better at it? Maybe that’s the more pertinent question here. I guess I can think about that while I clean my kitchen and take down the Christmas tree. And perhaps after I have done these things, I will open the library’s copy of One Drawing a Day and make a mark on a page of one of these sketchbooks. One of the little ones. Just a tiny, not scary, itty bitty, barely visible mark on a bare expanse of white. Maybe once I have done that, I can make the second mark a little darker. Like I mean it. We’ll see.