10. Not Distracted


Alternate Title: Sometimes I Get a Glimpse

This has been a good weekend. And I don’t mean a weekend full of frivolity. I mean this has been a weekend that fed my soul. Friday night, there was conversation and Game of Thrones. Saturday, I introduced my companion and my children to the Bookthing. I dropped off upwards of 100 books and left with only four. Yay, me. Then brunch. An afternoon spent napping. Excellent dinner, classic Dr. Who, more GoT. Gotta get ready for the new season by re-watching the old ones. This morning I cooked breakfast. I can’t even remember the last time I did that. Sitting at the table, surrounded by dear faces, just talking. I’ll be cooking breakfast more often, because the result is worth it. Afterward, more conversation over extended coffee while watching my children do their children things.

Apparently I looked distracted. I was not. I was fully present and fully focused in the moment– realizing how peaceful and solid I felt.

Now, I’m no fool. I don’t think. Maybe I am. But sometimes, I have to hear myself say a thing out loud before I allow myself to admit a deeper truth. Truth: I purge my house every January. Another truth: This year’s purge is wider and deeper than it has been since my divorce. Another truth: my physical environment is a close reflection of my mental and emotional self. Implied truth: If I am clearing out old things that no longer serve me, I am clearing out old emotions and ideas that no longer serve me. Conclusion: I am clearing physical space and mental/emotional space at the same time. I knew this, but I didn’t see what was happening until I said it out loud yesterday.

Sometimes, the universe conspires to give me a glimpse, and if I am paying attention, I am compelled to acknowledge the true state of things. And today’s true state of things with me is: I want more weekends like this. Weekends where nothing and everything happens. Weekends that are about loving the moments.