Archives

6 full years

Jan27

Yesterday, I was at the bowling alley, lamenting the ball and shoes I left in Topeka, Kansas some 6 years ago. That bowling equipment is the only thing I have let go of in 40 years that I seriously regretted for more than 30 seconds. At the time I decided not to bring it, I was pregnant with my 6th child, and I was at that stage of pregnancy that just seems to drag on forever. If you are a mom, you know how that is: you’ve always been pregnant, you are always going to be pregnant, and pregnancy is just your permanent fate. Forever. World without end, Amen.

So, as I was explaining about the bowling ball, I did some quick multiplication and division. 9 months x 8 babies = 72 months. 72 months / 12 months = 6 years. I’ve been pregnant for 6 full years. That’s a long time to wear maternity clothes, yk? And I’ve nursed for even longer. Gallons and gallons and gallons of good milk have I made.

I’ve been thinking for several months now that God may be calling me on to other areas of work. And I was kinda confused by that, because I know for certain His clear direction for me had been to bear children and to leave the timing to him. I even wondered if I was mis-hearing, hearing what I selfishly wanted. That is, up until my husband looked at me and said, “you know I’ll be 70 when DaBaby is grown.” And I said, “umm, honey, it’s actually 75.” And he told me he didn’t want any more babies. And I totally understood where he was coming from with that, and I totally took it as confirmation from God that this chapter of my life was at an end.

And I think that the child I now call DaBaby will in fact be DaBaby forever. I never thought I would say that on this side of menopause.

Getting Happy

Jan18

I looked over a website tonight that promises happiness. You know, that’s an amazing promise, isn’t it? Because who doesn’t want to be happy? Seriously, ask 48 friends if they would rather be happy or miserable, and en come back and tell me what they all say. I’ll wait. Done? Ok, they all said happy, right? So then, I guess the question at hand is …. how do you get happy? And would joy make you happier in the long run than happiness?

Well, the site was on The Sedona Method. It’s a programmed championed by the likes of Mariel Hemingway, and it’s the subject of a new book called Happy for No Reason by Marci Shimoff. The Sedona Method posits that the way to happiness lies in letting go of out negative feelings and emotions. The Sedona Method is based on two main premises:

* Thoughts and feelings aren’t facts and they’re not you.
* You can let them go.

It seems simple enough, and right now, you can get a free DVD and CD from the site to help explain it further. There’s also an MP3 that you can get immediately. I find it interesting that the Sedona Method teaches that the happiness you crave is already there inside you. In fact, they say “discover the happiness that you are”.

So, I read all that, and at first, I was thinking, “Man, that’s just a bit hokey, and they oughta just let go and let God.” Yeah, go ahead and laugh with me, because it didn’t take me a real long time to remember a time when I was so caught up in myself that letting go and letting God was the last option to enter my mind. I was so caught up in my hurt and pain that I kept it clutched around me like a blanket, as if it would protect me. And I would not let God heal my hurt, and I do believe that was last week, hello??!!?? Yeah, isn’t God good to remind us me when I got pompous just how foolish I really am? Keeps me from making a bigger fool of myself.

Here’s the thing though: if you can get yourself to the point that you can give these things to God, then you an move beyond mere happiness to joy. That giving things over, letting them go, it’s a daily process, sometimes an hourly process. Ha! I’ve had weeks where it was minute to minute, yk? The problem with only striving to be happy is that it is no more part of you than the anger and sadness and other negative thoughts and feelings the Sedona Method is trying to help you release. Trading one emotion for another is just riding the Himalaya. Remember that ride? That’s the name the county fair used the first time I rode it. It’s the one where the cars go around on the track, first one way and then the other. Or maybe like a swing, first forward, then backward, and ever at the mercy of your emotions, and how skilled you can get at letting go/redirecting/ giving it over.

Joy, on the other hand, is an attitude. Joy is what you get when you know that whatever happens in your life has passed by God; that your unique circumstances were specifically engineered and designed to bring out the very best in you. Joy is the product of a life bathed in infinite love and unending mercy. Joy is a product of grace. Joy is what you get when you go beyond letting go and you begin to let God.

Expect Good Things

Oct15

Psalm 68:19 Blessed be the Lord, Who daily loads us with benefits, The God of our salvation! Selah

I had a meeting tonight, and I have been dreading it for several days, and alternating between anger and worry. Oh foolish me! Foolish me! I forgot this one thing: God delights to help us. He wants to give us what we need. I should have just prayed about it and let God handle it instead of fretting. I’ve wasted time I should have been redeeming worrying about something God had already handled. Silly!

Oh, I think we had a good outcome, I’ll know more on the 26th. If not, then I’ve already spied a couple of windows.

Clothes for Country

Oct12

My 14 year old Country is hard to fit and picky. This is not a combination that leads to having an excessively large wardrobe, as you may imagine. Earlier this week, an aquaintance gave us a laundry basket FULL of clothes, and today when I went through them I was noticing that they were too big for me, but would …apparently …fit ….Country. I handed her a pair of the pants and said “Go try these on”, and before she was through the bathroom door, I was saying to myself, “I don’t know why I am having her try them on. God sent them, so they certainly fit.” And they do, and she likes them all to boot.

Thank you Lord, for clothes that fit and make Country happy.

Promises and Choices

Aug29

Joy is a promise. Not happiness. Joy. There’s a difference, and it’s one many people miss. Myself included.

Not only is joy a promise, it’s a choice. That’s right. I can choose to be joyful.

I freely admit that it’s it’s easier to claim the promise and choose joy when one is well rested, and has had time to pee, but nonetheless, there it is.

My Dream

Aug20

I had a dream this morning, and I’m almost certain that I know what it means, but I thought I would throw it out there for input. And also, this is my version of writing it down so I don’t forget.

Last night at the business meeting, we found out about a church that is for sale. The price is amazing, but still a huge stretch for a congregation our size. Here’s the dream: We had gotten this church, and we were struggling with the payments. We had a meeting of some sort (I don’t know if it was a regular church service or what exactly), and this had been discussed, and were standing around (literally around, not in rows, but in a circleish shape–much as we actually were last night, in fact) to be dismissed. A man volunteered to pray when Chris asked, and Chris agreed (Umm, Chris would so never do that, let a person pray that he wasn’t sure of, but whatever). So the man began to pray and I noticed that some of the men of the church kept going to where the man had just been –he was moving around–and holding their hands over the place where he had stopped and praying. This continued to happen several times, and in my dream I listened closely to hear what he was saying that could cause this strange reaction. He was singing that song by George Strait, “Give it Away”, and it was when he repeated the title phrase that the men would spring –yes, spring–to where he had been and hold out their hands and pray.

(And here’s where I think the message, if there is one, is). After this had gone on for awhile (and yeah, Chris would never have let it get to this point, but, again, whatever) the man was laying on the floor, and he screeched “I can’t move, why can’t I mooooooooooooooooove” in a very whiny nasal voice, and he was short and ugly and quite obviously an imp and not man at all. He’d been bound by the praying of the men.

Registry of Life

Jul3

Today, I am reviewing Registry of Life, a website that allows the living to honor those who’ve passed on. The website charges a one time setup fee of $49.95, and there are no annual renewal fees. They offer several additions to your site such as photo slideshows and music. You can see a sample registry here.

Passed. Gone on before. Crossed over. Died. We have a hard time with that last short word, don’t we? Have you ever noticed that we as a society abhor death? We refute and run from it, and generally act like it’s something to avoid at all costs. Let me tell you, that’s an inaccurate perception. I have watched bodies hang on to life, long after the mind and soul were ready to quit and be done. Folks stricken by debilitating disease that wasted them, emaciated them to the point that they weighed half what their healthy selves weighed. Death can be a sweet release, and for the Christian, it’s just graduation day. Paul tells us that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.

I remember years ago when I was a child, hearing Oral Roberts tell the world that God has told him if he didn’t raise a million dollars for the campus he (Oral) was building, God would “call him home”. I remember that I thought at the time, “so, what’s the problem?” See, in my mind, he was either getting his college, or he was going to see Jesus (provided of course that he was saved). Either way, he WON!

Now let’s get back to Registry of Life. I’m all for honoring those who have passed on, and this website is a fine way to do it. But we as a society would do well to remember what death really is: a passage from one plane to the next. It’s not a finale, it’s a grand entrance.

So, Cass????

Jun27

Yeah, it’s been crazy, ya’ll. I keep meaning to get over here and talk about stuff, but……….yeah. I am feeling so rushed that I’m frazzled, and I don’t know why. Well, I do know why. It seems like there is more to do than I can possibly accomplish, and in truth, that’s the case. I have to keep reminding myself to just do the next thing. But I am truly tired of feeling like I’ve got a tiger by the tail constantly, ykwim?

I’m still trying to clean my house, and am more or less treading water on that. I’m doing better getting the other necessary stuff done, too, but……..is it just the way women are, that we feel like no matter how much we do, it’s not enough as long as anything remains undone? Busy-ness, Busy-ness. A lot of Martha there, and what I really need is some Mary.