Me? I’m fine. Been doing that introvert thing. Kinda quiet, even for me. Not so’s you could tell it by social media, but whatever. Lot of thinking. Planning. That sort of thing.
I’m looking at my senior year. It starts in nine days. And while I am busy with the first semester of that, I need to apply to grad school and get ready to move. Planning a move of this magnitude is just about as complicated as stairlifts. Looks simple enough, but it’s pretty complicated, and if I forget about something or drop a ball, we crash. We. Because I’m not the only one involved here.
So, looks like the funding will work. I’m planning scouting expeditions to look for housing and employment. I’m actually considering doing some freelance work.
I need to figure out what to take and what to abandon.
I had a conversation with a friend today. We were talking about my plans to use up craft supplies or gift them before I go. I’ve been wanting a more minimalist physical space to go with the calmer more centered mind I’m working on. Between us, we hit the nail on the head about what’s going on with me internally: “You’re moving on, and that’s good.” “It’s about manifesting the reality of there is ALWAYS enough.” “Walk the walk.” “I am enough.”
I have to admit to myself that for many years, and you can read that as “my adult life,” I’ve had an issue with scarcity mindset. The amount of stuff I have managed to accumulate is a physical manifestation of that. Since I wasn’t enough, I needed more stuff so I could become enough. But that didn’t work. I just made myself smaller and smaller by squeezing my physical space with stuff I didn’t need, because I didn’t see that all I really needed was already inside me. INSIDE ME.
I am enough. With no physical trappings. With or without money. Whether or not I am the absolute best at anything I take on. Whether I am having a good day or a bad day. I am enough. Just me being me, that’s enough.
Today I posted “I AM a love so deep the oceans should be jealous.” And then I thought about my goal for 2013. You can click here if you want to read it in context, but here’s the pertinent part:
“In 2013, I want to love so wide and so deep that others float peacefully in the sea of me, and so thick that when they rise to walk away, drops of it cling to their skin reminding them that I am waiting with arms and heart wide open.”
I’m getting there.