It’s Sunday


And that means Self Portrait Sunday! If you want to participate, grab the button, click a pic, and link it back here.

Back in, what was it? 2008? When I started this meme, I was a regular church attender. That’s pretty much why I chose Sunday–it was the one day of the week I was pretty much guaranteed to be dressed and “fixed.” Well, I don’t do church anymore, but I’m sticking with Sundays anyway. Just be prepared for whatever you get, because you might get “real,” like today. And also, just throwing it out there, I was doing selfies before selfies were cool.

I took this picture right after meditation. Looking at it, it is fairly obvious why I have been having so much trouble with my shoulder. Even accounting for the lifted arm to snap the pic, shoulders do not belong this close to ears. Even in meditation time, I can’t let it go. I’m noticing that I am having a hard time sitting still, my breathing is way too shallow, and even a half lotus is out of the question. Girl be stiff. Out of practice in my practice. But I’m there. I’m doing it. I’m assuming the results will come, as they have before. It’s funny. When I start to get stressed, meditation flies out the window. I spend the time stewing over whatever is on my mind instead. Ruminating, we call that. It’s not a good thing because it is focusing on problems instead of solutions.

Anyway. I know you have seen this particular spot in my home several times. It is one of my favorites, and stoves (my other favorite spot) are not very photogenic. Still, you haven’t seen ME in this spot before, and I thought it was time. This is the one spot in my home that is always guaranteed to be CLEAN. Nobody EVER lays anything on it, except me. And I only put things there intentionally. I can clear my kitchen table, and as soon as I am through someone walks in the door and lays something on it. I can wash all the dishes, and someone is going to need a drink of water. I can catch up the laundry and there they are, wearing more clothes and refusing to be naked. But this…this is mine. The only thing I don’t like about it is that it is right by the bathroom door, and no one has joined me there since I moved it. They can’t see me there, because it’s on the other side of the bed, and the bed is taller than my sitting self. When it was on the other side of my bedroom, I would get an occasional child guest, still and quiet and cuddly. When I move and set it up again, the sitting place will be more out. Still in a quiet corner, but visible and available to everyone in the house.

OH SNAP. See, sometimes rambling on and on is not a bad thing. I just realized that the spot where the Christmas tree now stands is exactly the right size for this. Of course, it’s also in the main traffic pattern to the living room. Still. I’m thinking. It might happen. If I can figure out how it would even work to try zazen with the television on and the verbal sparring in the background and…..yeah, maybe not. But. Maybe I can find a way to bring it back to the other side of my bedroom.

Yeah, yeah, I know I was in the middle of a series of goal posts. You can expect that to resume tomorrow. It takes time to think these things through.

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