But I’m not sure you can have *too many* warm socks, which is why I am making another pair to go with all of these. That’s what I have done today, aside from laundry. Because, remember, I cooked dinner for tonight on Sunday. And I have the children trained to help me with the house. So, when I get a day off, I get to take a day off, usually. Now, I suppose I could have done homework, but it’s hard to do homework while the kids are home. Knitting and knetflix, not so much.
Because first my train was late, and then it stopped on the tracks for a bit. I arrived in class just as the professor was ready to collect these, but she told me to go ahead and fill it out quickly. Then she acted surprised when I gave it back lickety-split. “I didn’t mean that quickly,” she said. Lady, that’s just how I roll.
Now that’s not as conceited as it sounds. Over the course of 18 years of testing I’ve learned that I either know the answers or I don’t, and very rarely will stewing over an exam raise my score.
I’m amazed that she graded these over break and gave them right back to us. Pretty flippin’ sweet.
I might have purchased more food than I had time through the week to prepare. However! Since I took this picture a couple of hours ago, I have turned this mound of edible merchandise into chicken with wild rice and mushrooms; roasted root vegetables; green bean stir-fry; fried cabbage; and potato, leek, and mushroom soup. Dinner this week will mostly involve reheating this food. We did lose a dish of raw broccoli along with a bag of Brussels sprouts, and I admit that I tossed some of the fennel stems and fronds. I do have a bag of carrots left that I will use in some way, but I am sure they will hold until near the end of the week. The fridge is no longer filled to the brim (though that will change when I get all the freshly prepared food in there) and we’re eating the last of the leftover Chinese food from the birthday party before I allow us to dig in to the new goodies. It’s good to live at my house for the next few days!
The weather has turned bitterly cold here, and is projected to stay that way all week. It’s also very windy, but hopefully that will pass. I’m hoping the van will start in the morning after tonight’s forecasted low, as I have a presentation and a quiz tomorrow. I should get some work and studying done for those things, respectively. Sigh. I’d rather work on my new socks.
Making myself a pink sock, too.
Also birthday parties where the celebrant requests Chinese food. We had 8 kids guests!
But. Lookit those hooks and my tools at my fingertips!
I didn’t realize until we were checking out that I have a matching outfit!
Also, Teavana is a few doors down from Build-a-Bear. There might have been a side trip.
I don’t know if it comes through in the picture, but this was beautiful. The way the light hit the tree, and then didn’t. Red-orange on brown, against a blue sky. Beautiful.
Today was a mixed bag. I had a great social work moment. I took a man a bowl of thick grits and saw him smile for the first time in weeks. That may not sound like social work to you, but it was to him.
Then I had some uncomfortable conversation about polyamory. And then I had to chase thoughts around in my head about that. Thoughts like:
It’s about me, and who gets to call the shots on my life. I chose poly in the beginning because it gave me autonomy in all areas. Once men know they don’t own my bits, they leave me alone about everything else: my kids, my money, my lifestyle, how I spend my time, my hobbies. All of it. It’s MINE.
If I stop seeing the old guy, the new guy gets left to wonder when I will find another new guy and decide to stop seeing him. And I don’t think he gets that I face an equally unsettling dilemma: he’s monogamous. I get to worry that he’s gonna meet some “nice monogamous girl” and decide to quit seeing me.
You know, part of me wants to say “ok, I’ll be monogamous” because I don’t want to “lose” him.
But if I do that I am already loving him in a controlling way. I am not being non-attached because if I make changes to ensure the relationship, I am going to expect he will do the same. I won’t be accepting him just like he is. And accepting him just like he is …this is what allowed me to not hate men who have come and gone before, because they were perfect in their selfness. They may not be people that I want to spend a lot of time with going forward, but as long as they are true to themselves….I accept that.
I won’t lie. That viewpoint required constantly deciding and constantly enforcing that mindset with myself. It all goes together, the non-attachment and the poly and just loving people. He says he thinks you can’t love someone as much if you do it in a non-attached way. I think you can love them more because you love them true.
And one thing I didn’t say, but part of the conversation: “If you’re not so afraid to lose someone, then you’re free to love them as much as you want.”
All of which led to this: There are days when I am glad I live my life based on guiding principles I ironed out for myself in advance instead of momentary feelings. This is one of them.
So there ya go. Some raw honesty for you about what it’s really like to try to find balance and integrity in polyamory. Because in the end, it’s not about him or him or him. It’s about me, and how I treat myself, and by extension, those I care about.
There were two of them and one of me. That’s a group. Yes, there was art involved.