I wish I could figure out how to get everything done without stressing out. I think it’s just in my nature to make things more difficult for myself. I should change that. Sigh. It’s mostly a case of not doing that which I should do. I should set work hours, and follow them. I mean, I set them, but then I don’t abide by them. I get things running semi-smoothly, and I veer from my schedule. Brainiac, right? That’s me!

Hmm, this is a bit disjointed isn’t it? Let me try to make it just a bit more understandable, less self-talk, more other-talk.

I get stressed trying to get everything done that needs doing. I know I can get it done, because I usually do. So, I just need to make a schedule routine and stick to it, develop a plan and work it, so I don’t feel so out of control. In the past, I have done that, and then not followed the plan once I had things semi under control. That was not a smart choice. A routine is better than a schedule for me, because each day is different. Very few things need a rigid time, but the whole days needs to have a predictable flow, otherwise I get antsy.

It’s because I have a real need to check stuff off, to be “finished” with xyz. I have been this way all my life, as far back as I can remember. I’m not real sure where it comes from, but I even remember as a kid trying to be “fair” to my stuffed animals and dolls and such. Whoa—where the heck did that come from? I’m not sure I want to go there just now.

heh. I didn’t do real well in my goal of moving this from self-talk to other-speak, did I? It’s a real stream-of-consciousness post, but I am going to leave it. Hopefully I can come back to this later, cause there is a lot here that I obviously need to deal with.