January 10, Peace in Every Step

Jan10

Probably the most significant thing I did today, besides making my favorite instructor laugh, was to finish Peace in Every Step. It had been on my “want to read” shelf at goodreads for quite a while, and was assigned for my positive psych class. I started it….Monday, I think. The book is a fairly short read, but it is a life altering, perspective changing tome. I really do recommend it to anyone who is stressed, frazzled, sad, or just stuck in a rut. It’s a treatise on mindfulness and being aware, about focusing on the moment. Maybe you guys know all that, and really so do I, but it was a great reminder of some specific things we can do to bring ourselves back into mindfulness.

I am adding it to my “Once a Year” shelf. Since I have already told you I am focusing on getting rid of books this year, this should tell you how valuable I found the teaching here. The next time I read it, I will do so slowly and mindfully, instead of reading it as quickly as possible to get to the next book. Which is Still Here by Ram Dass.

No, I am not taking a comparative religions class. Nor a class on Buddhism. Nor is the Dass for the same class as Peace. Remember that tweet from a couple days ago? I said, “If the universe gets any more synchronous, I am going to think it is hitting me over the head with a brick, instead of giving me a gentle nudge.” Now, remember that I am also reading Simple Abundance and Something More, and you will begin to see what I meant.

My oldest son brought this home today. He’s been selected to the National Junior Honor Society. Not that I ever brag on my kids or anything.

Yesterday, I started a new thing. Every day from 4-5 is quiet study time. I’ve been getting too many notes from teachers about homework not being turned in. So, for an hour we do homework, or read a book, or write. Me, too. Today, when they started talking, I read to them. From the Encyclopedia of Social Work, which was my assigned reading. Nod. It worked. Muhahahahahaha!

I started another new tradition today: afternoon tea. I made it a little too strong, but it was an effort at some semblance of civilization, and something I have been thinking about doing for quite some time. I would tell you what flavor it was, but it’s actually too strong to discern. I’m sure it was either Raspberry Zinger or Strawberry Fields, but I can’t get it any narrower than that.

Here’s today’s sweater outfit. Love the pants, and if I can find a clothes shaver to get the tiny pills off, I will have them hemmed. I have them rolled and safety pinned here, which is how I wore them today. The sweater may look okay in the picture, but it’s in the Good Will bag. I like a roomy sweater, but I could fit two of me in it, and the way the excess fabric hangs is not flattering. No one needs to look like an albino bat. I’m just sayin’! I did get a compliment on the scarf, though. I love being able to say, “Thanks, I made it myself.”

P.S. Did you notice I cleaned the mirror?

null Today’s Booking Through Thursday question was “do you like to give books as gifts?”

Yes, but not on gift-giving occasions. I am more inclined to gift someone with a book they want *when they want it*, because then I know I am getting a title they will enjoy. Or at least not blame me for choosing, LOL!

January One, In Which We Begin and Finish Things

Jan1

Sigh. That is a happy sigh. It’s been a lovely day.

This morning, I got out a brand new notebook and a brand new pen for my journaling. It’s a New Year, and I think it deserves fresh supplies. I’ll fill up the old one with my lists and planning, which I plan to start Thursday when the kids go back to school.

I also selected my inspirational reading for this year. I’ll be reading Simple Abundance in the mornings, and Something More in the evening, for as long as it lasts. I’m sure there are not 365 “chapters” here. That’s okay, my backlog of inspirational reading is large. Ahem.

I’m trying to cultivate a quieter, more centered self this year, and these books are part of that. As is the Positive Psychology course I am taking this semester. More on that at a later date.

And here is my finished scarf, shot with macro to show the detail. It is small which makes it very multi-functional– think neck, head, waist. I’ve decided I need a scarf/shawl pin. Perhaps one of you know where I can find that?

In other news, Tina picked up one of my tweets today and ended up throwing down a gauntlet for me. Apparently, I am making myself some sort of garment(s) designed to cover my lower extremities, at least up to the thigh. I have 3 or 4 skeins of Opal Tiger here, and I am beginning to think through this project. I have time since I cannot currently GET to this yarn, hahaha.

I may end up doing a heel-less, toe-less legging type thing with a waistband and strips to hold them up. Assless chaps, girly-girl style. Calm yourselves, I am thinking practicality–doing it this way would mean they need washing less often.

I’ll probably end up combining the Holy Sheep Baby Bottoms pattern that I wrote, with some of Elizabeth Zimmerman’s ideas about “nether garments” from The Knitter’s Almanac and a couple of ideas from Wendy Johnson’s Toe-Up Socks for Everyone . Before I can allow myself to dig for that yarn, though, I have to finish my Maryland socks and knit up two hanks of Lorna’s Laces sockweight, so I have a bit of time to plan and design.

The 45 Year Reading List

Jul7

Alrighty then. Between blogging and facebooking session, I have been as busy as an industrial motor. I told you I pulled the books. I told you I pulled the photos and found the box. Well, I couldn’t just leave that stuff piled in the living room and heaped on the bed. So I made a place for it.

Bear in mind that my digital books are not represented in this stack. Er, stacks. Think that will keep me busy for a while? I still haven’t figured out what to do with them after I finish them.

And right before I got that all put together, I cleared the chair in my room. So now, I have a place to sit and read, as well as a place to sit and write. I also have all the throw pillows that used to be on the bench on the floor beside my bed, in front of the trunk. Sigh. It’s progress, of a sort. Something is better than nothing.

Writing As A Way Of Healing by Louise DeSalvo

Jul5

I just finished this book, which I started on April 22 of this year. That’s a long time to spend reading a 216 page book, isn’t it? I thought I would review it, but in the moment, I have decided not to. I’m going to write something else instead, and what I am about to write is a direct effect of reading this book. In fact, I could hardly make myself finish it, because this idea gripped me with such compelling force that I had to keep drawing myself back to the page. And now I struggle to begin.

I have, several times over the past few years, struggled to write about my father. Part of the Mary Monologues was about him, and I have written a couple of poems about him, but I have never truly come to grips with him, his life, his death. I’ve felt the emotions and the turmoil, but I have not tried to organize that mishmash of confusion into a narrative that I could integrate into something useful, something I could process. Today, as I was finishing DeSalvo’s book, my mind continued to wander to the trunk in my room. Inside that trunk are photo albums. Several, I don’t remember how many. There are albums in there that hold pictures of my father, albums that my step-mother gave me not long after he died. I haven’t ever really studied them, and have looked at them only briefly since they came into my possession.

I think it may be because by not looking, I could choose to continue to not remember. We have discussed before, you and I, my faulty memory. But I know that my memory can be triggered by pictures. That in fact, if I want to remember something now, I stop and take a mental image of what is happening at this moment. It has, I think, been easier until now to think of him as someone who was never truly part of my life than to admit that I might have had, and then lost, something very precious. The truth is, I don’t know what I will find in those albums. I do know there are at least two images there that I can talk about, because I can see them just as clearly as if I had them in front of me.

Anyway, I had planned to write this summer, but I had no idea what about until today. I have a couple of collaborative projects going, but I’m also pretty sure that this will be the summer I pull all the writing I have already done about him together into one piece. And it will be the summer I pull those photographs from their acidic PVC albums and mount them on proper paper. It will be the summer I let myself tell me the story of My Daddy. There are parts that will be very ugly. Such is life. There is anger as well. But I hope I also find beauty and laughter. Mostly, I want something whole and something true. A piece that says: this is what happened when I was six, when I was seven, when I was 12, and when I was 43, 44, and 45.

I knew it would happen eventually, and I bought the scrapbook supplies last fall. I guess it’s time.

The Art of Confession

Apr20

Last January, I was a bit put out to discover that one of my instructors had placed her book order through a small local bookstore, rather than using the bookstore on campus. I had to find it, go out of my way, take a side-trip. And Lord KNOWS, I am way to busy for that kind of thing, right? Well, I was wrong. That was one of the best inconveniences I have ever been privileged to have foisted upon me.

First, one of the books I needed wasn’t in, but it was due on the truck that afternoon. But I had stuff to do, and couldn’t afford to waste time waiting. But I could just do my computer work….except that I hadn’t brought my computer with me that day. So, the owner lent me hers. Luckily, I had the files I needed on a thumb drive in my pocket. And they offered me tea and a cupcake, too. If you ever have an hour or so to spend in Wilmington, I heartily recommend you spend a few minutes at Pomegranate Books. Tell them that crazy lady sent you, the one who camped in their shop for several hours last January.

Secondly, this book store is not a maze. They are small, but they stock some very cool books by small publishers. And I, errr, picked up a few things, aside from my textbooks, and one of those things was a book by Paul Wilkes, called The Art of Confession: Renewing Yourself Through the Practice of Honesty. Come to find out, he’s a local author, and when I finally opened the book this morning, I discovered that I am the proud owner of an inscribed first edition. Yes, I did say this morning, and I am already writing a review. It’s a small book, just 133 pages, but this book packs a 400 page wallop.

Wilkes isn’t preachy, but he has some very pertinent things to say about how we deal with ourselves and others, not only with our mouths, but also in our deeds and in our motivations. I will tell you up-front that he is a Catholic, but he is very clear in the book that he is talking about confession and not Confession.

I enjoyed the whole book, which starts with history, becomes philosophy and ends in practicality. But there were two main things that really resonate with me. The first was the section on guilt, and how we allow ourselves to become so weighted down with it that we have a hard time accepting love and grace. We are cruel to ourselves, because we allow guilt to control and dominate us, instead of using it as a tool to motivate change in our lives. Secondly, he gives some very practical tips on how we can practice more honest living by building moments of reflection into our lives. I’ve marked that whole section to read through and put into practice, by I was most struck by the ideas of the Metta Bhavana and An Adult Examination of Conscience.

Metta Bhavana is the cultivation of an attitude of lovingkindness toward everyone and everything. And not in a haphazard, whatever kind of way, but by calling specific individuals (ourselves, someone we treasure, a neutral person, someone we dislike, the universe) one at a time, and thinking of their safety, health, peace and welfare. If you’ve known me long at all, you know there have been some very unpleasant things in my life, things that hurt and anger me every time I think about them. Things that still make me feel cheated, make me feel less, make me feel an irrational and unjustified guilt. I’m thinking it’s going to be hard to feel all that negative stuff and also lovingkindness. And I am thinking all that negative stuff is a weight I just don’t need, and it’s time to move on to other, better stuff.

The Adult Examination of Conscience has us reflect on daily life, work, desires, inner life, physical well-being, loving, personal integrity, relationships, spiritual life, nature, and money/possessions. You don’t do this all at once, of course, who has time for that? The idea is to pick one area and really think deeply on it, and determine if your attitudes and actions need changing.

I really, really recommend this book. I wish I had about a dozen copies to give away. I don’t. I have ONE, and it’s going on my shelf of “read some daily” books. But find a copy, and read it. It took me less than 5 and a half hours, and that included a break to drive home, a conversation with a friend AND a nap. It’s a rather small investment of time for a book that could LITERALLY change the way you view yourself, your fellow humans and the world you walk in. In a day when many self-help books offer a faux window into the soul, this one has some very valid things to say about living in a mindful, self-examined way.

Some sock stuff and slow progress

Jan8

So, last night, I could no longer ignore the siren call of the sock books on my desk. If you know me, you know I have a thing for socks, both handmade and store-bought, and also shoes. Which is marginally weird, because I hate feet. They are icky. Just sayin’

So, to the books.

These two books together make an excellent sock knitting course. Clara Parkes goes in to all the things that make a great sock: the yarn (fiber, twist, plies, spins), the stitches, the fit. And she has some great patterns as well, by some very famous designers (Ann Budd, Cat Bordhi, and so on). I love the details on picking yarns, and what to look for in a blend. Of course, I pick yarn because I fall in love with the colorway, and that’s okay, because the information in this book also works in the other direction: you can figure out exactly what the yarn you have in your hand is capable of, even if it needs to be a shawl instead of socks.

The Workshop book is complementary to this. It goes into detail on the different parts of the sock: toes, heels, cuffs, gussets. It also has some neat patterns, but the beauty of it is that you can mix and match features to design your own socks.

Now, I mentioned I love socks. And after my rant the other day about FAT yarn, it should not come as any surprise that I have a substantial stash of sock yarn. Sub. Stan. Tial. But I absolutely refuse to let myself cast on another project at this point, because I am trying to force myself to finish Carrick. However, I am planning other projects, dreaming of other projects, and so forth. And when I start something new, it will most likely be socks. I have six or seven sock books now, and most of the patterns are untried. So here’s what I decided. Any two socks made of the same yarn will constitute a pair. This way, I get to try more patterns, I avoid “second sock syndrome”, and I get to use up complete balls of yarn, because making a third or fourth sock makes perfect sense. In fact, one of the reasons I like sock knitting so much is that I can do it without paying a great deal of attention. It’s pretty much a toe, a tube, a heel, and another tube. Unless I am doing fancy work. So my “pairs” of socks will most likely consist of one fancy sock and one one plain. I can work on both of them at the same time that way, depending on whether or not I am able to concentrate on a pattern. Perfect, right?

Now, here’s the slow progress part. I have continued to work on my office area and organize my craft books and supplies. At this point, all my scrapping stuff is accessible. And I am sitting here looking at it, afraid to touch it. What the heck? It could be the fact that I haven’t scrapped a thing since Batman was a baby. He’s, ah….10. Regardless, I need to jump in. Which I will do right after I eliminate my 48 excuses!

Some Light Reading and Men’s Knits

Jan6

I should maybe put this on the Life List page, but the list of books is getting rather tedious there. Since I last updated it, I have read Becoming a Psychotherapist, Days in the Lives of Social Workers, The Girls Come Marching Home, Once a Warrior, Always a Warrior, The Three of Us and The Courage to Create. That’s 6 books for a total of 41 books since I started the Musing Mighty Life List, if I haven’t forgotten any, which I might have. If it’s all the same to you, we will skip the backed up reviews and just try to do better from now on, ummkay? Kay.

Speaking of reviews, I think I might have mentioned that I have a horrendously tall stack of TBRs. Actually, I now have 4 reasonably short (approximately 2 feet) stacks. That is a lot of books, right? One of my goals for this year is to eliminate that stack of books, either by reading them or deciding not to read them, and/or giving them away/selling them. But another of my goals for the year is to work on my crafty life, including getting my craft books organized and actually making stuff. Yesterday, I pulled all my knitting books together, except for the ones in those stacks, and this morning, I pulled those out. So, in order to accomplish three goals at once over the course of the month, you get some knitting book reviews. Yay!!!!!

Up first, we have Men’s Knits by Erika Knight. Apparently, I have had this book for about 3 years, since I have been SINGLE for almost that long. Yep, I’m a little behind. We’ll get over it. Of course, it helps that the boyfriend sweater is always in style, and this way I can have the sweater without the boyfriend, right? And also, except for the boobs, both men and women are fairly rectangular in the torso, and while women’s clothes are occasionally over-fussy, things for men tend to be functional. I like functional.

So which patterns do I like best? The “favorite sweatshirt” on page 68 looks fairly unisex. It’s reminiscent of the wonderful wallaby, but without a hood or pocket. I love the wallaby, along with most of America, so this may be a knittable option. I also really, really like the “collegiate cardigan” on page 80. It’s thick and lush and has some great textures. Unfortunately, it’s knit in bulky weight yarn, so I may or may not work it up for myself. I tend to think I am bulky enough with adding fat yarn to the mix. Same goes for the “funnel-neck sweater” on page 110. I like it, but not in fat yarn.

But here’s a little trick I know. It is totally possible, if you know your gauge in a preferred yarn, and a little basic math, to knit a pattern written for a different weight yarn without re-writing the pattern. Just figure out how many stitches it takes to go around the person you are knitting for in the yarn you want to use, and (provided you can find a close enough match), follow the pattern as written for that number of cast-on stitches. This is super simple to do when using a pattern written for men (for instance) in bulky weight yarn (for instance) and making something to fit a five foot nothing shrimp of a girl in a lighter weight yarn (for real). Most of the time, patterns don’t call for a given number of rows, but just “knit until the piece is x inches long.” Just keep knitting until you hit the desired dimension, which may be shorter than called for, so don’t forget to measure yourself!

Journals of the Big Mouth Bass and assorted other stuff

May20

So…as you can see (or not see), I have been a little busy and blogging has pretty much blipped right off my radar screen. I’m going to try climbing back into the saddle or falling back into the rut or some other cliches and see what happens. I had an awesome first semester: really enjoyed myself, learned a lot and made straight A’s. I started the summer semester yesterday, and so far, so good. I did absolutely nothing on my break except play Frontierville, hang out with my best bud and read. I read several things, but the one I want to talk about today is Journals of the Big Mouth Bass by Debbie Sue Bass Williamson.

This book was a short read for me, being intended for the youth market, but it was….fun is not the right word. It’s a good book, and I will end up reading it to my kids, I am sure, but…if you, like me, are in your forties and vaguely remember being ten-ish with no great desire to re-capture those days, then you may understand what I mean by “fun” not being quite the right word.

Here’s the premise: Debbie gets a journal for her birthday. She uses it to write letters to God, with whom she has a pretty casual relationship. Not casual as in don’t care, but casual as in intimate enough to really talk to Him about what is going on in her life. She talks about her family and her brother and school and the lady down the street and whatever happens in her life. She expects that He listens and cares, and that alone makes the book worth reading. I was reminded of the need for a child-like faith as I read. There are no big theological discussions in the book, but that underlying message of faith s there all through it.

And, no it’s not all child’s play, either. I don’t know what your ten year old life was like, but some pretty stressful things happen to this girl. Not the kinds of horror stories that end up on the news, but some coming to terms with life. She has to learn some lessons the hard way. The author deals with this very realistically and draws a very believable character for us.

Lord help me! I sound like I am writing an essay here! It’s a good book. Get it, read it. If you don’t have kids, buy it for your niece or nephew. Make one up if you have to, because I think you will enjoy the story, and it’s a nice break from “grown-up” books and particle physics.

Midlife Musings

Reflections on life from 50-something

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